So give me something that gushes like a waterfall.


182dfe71230da29a561065554d7643de

If a weekend was delivered to my doorstep this past Friday then I didn’t seem to notice it.

Either I confused it for a never-ending Monday or decided that Friday and Saturday would just look a lot like thick, thick work instead of the play days they were designed to be. Regardless, I spent the last 48 hours amidst a pile of mail crates stacked high in my hallway. 

It’s been that kind of endless weekend. Of sorting mail. Of ripping open endless amounts of envelopes. Of gaining a headache quickly over the sadness some people pour into their letters. Of counting & recounting & resorting & straightening over 1,000 pieces of mail. And staying grateful the whole way through.

So yesterday at letter 700, just as my fingers were about to divorce the rest of my body, I decided to watch a movie that’s been tethered to my to-do list for some time now– The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I found out this past summer that More Love Letters is actually printed in the back of every new printed edition and eBook version of this classic novel so I naturally wanted to see what all the fluster was about.

So I watched.

And clutched my head. And cried a bit (when do I ever not cry?). And I got stuck– really, really stuck– on one of the quotes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

Dang, if that quote is not a shovel made to dig up every past relationship we’ve ever had then I don’t know what is. Stephen Chbosky– you are an absolute BOSS for coming up with that pretty little ditty and leading an entire generation of readers to scavenge through their beings for worthiness & love. 

Without any real prompting, I started searching the curves of my heart for every incident, every relationship gone wrong & weary, every kiss stolen, every heart given back in shambles, to understand the truth in this quote.

We accept the love we think we deserve. We accept the love we think we deserve.

It must explain why so many of us are in broken relationships. Why we cannot walk away. Why we settle for less and just learn to be thankful that it is anything at all. Why we shirk away from compliments. Why we cling to others as if them, & their imperfect flesh, can actually fix us and concoct the sunshine in test tubes on days when nothing in the world can seem to go right.

This. Must. Be. Why. Because we think we are deserving of less. That we, ourselves, could never handle someone who thought us to be lovely & original & delicate all in one breath. And so we settle… and we chalk it up to what we think we deserve. It’s our fault, Baby, it all becomes our fault. 

This is the kind of quote that could make you dust off your hands from the chalkboard of your yesterdays and say, “That’s that… that is what I deserve and so that is what I should have.”

But no, I actually have to revolt against this quote. I actually have to believe that there exists an expiration date when it comes to accepting the love we think we deserve.

Either we keep ourselves stagnant in never moving, always draining relationships or we learn the truth: we deserve so much more than the little we give ourselves on a daily basis. And that there is a love that exists in this world that would adore marching right up to us and saying, “You know what? Screw your stupid limitations. I am bigger than you. I am stronger than you. And I have known you and what you deserve long before you ever started passing your heart out like the ice cream man– you are more precious than you will ever credit yourself for.  So. Let. Me. Lavish. Upon. You. Instead.” 

Love is so much bigger than we ever boxed it up to be.

Yet we strap our definitions and our limitations upon it after the very first day we realize that hearts break & grow rusty when we let another in. But still, still, it gushes like a waterfall on the day you decide you are worth more than the mediocre dripping faucet. Than the broken plates. Than the empty bed. Than the half-said apologies. Than the bruise left after the beating.

We will always, always, always be the ones who cut ourselves off at the knees. That will never change.

We will always, always, always be the ones who cut ourselves off at the knees unless we are start accepting a love we don’t think we deserve… And hey, maybe it is a love that we will never actually deserve but it comes to us regardless and we’ve got the chance to get all wrapped up & tangled lovely in it.

We’ve got the chance to paint the world with it.

We’ve got the opportunity to tangle other people up in it and make them think, now what is this mystery and why do they love me so?

I’m not saying you will ever believe you actually deserve it. But do you accept a gift that’s given? I am not claiming I will ever believe it either. But regardless, I’ll accept it because it is so much better than any stingy kind of love I could make with my own two hands and a broken, broken heart.

About these ads

15 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

15 responses to “So give me something that gushes like a waterfall.

  1. Oh, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah,

    What a powerful message and insight you’ve shared! I’l be sending lots of people to this post to remind them…as we must all remind ourselves: “..we deserve so much more than the little we give ourselves on a daily basis.”

    The timing of this, for me today, was what I call a “God Hug.” Thank you.

  2. What a lovely post. I read Perks last year, and then re-read it with my highligter to capture more of Chobsky’s wisdom. You captured my favorite one, and I identified so much with what you wrote. This makes me think of Brene Brown’s work about shame and wholeheartedness. You are right – it has to come from within – we are the ones who “cut ourselves off at the knees”. Thanks for your inspiration today!

  3. danielle

    oh…..the energy

  4. catscradle

    so beautiful. you never disappoint! now i want to see that movie too.

  5. I love your blog and pass it on regularly…yet at the end of the last post on “So give me something….” you have included a video of a war game. I am confused and would like to know why? Thank you Maya
    http://www.mayalunachristobel.com

  6. J

    You are amazing. Your posts never fail to brighten my day. Don’t ever stop doing what you do.

  7. Another nice reflection incorporated into a personal story. It’s very good pleasant writing, Hannah.

  8. Jeanne

    I am touched and inspired as always…

  9. Pingback: Accept a Gushing Waterfall of Love! | Heartspoken

  10. Thank you, Hannah. I really needed to hear this tonight. You have a gift for such graceful and true writing.

  11. yuet-ching

    Thank you.U don’t know how much this post touched me.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you. Yuetching from Singapore.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s