Don’t bring anything more into the web.


With permission, I have posted the email below.

Hi,

I think your blog entered my life at the most perfect moment. You see, I am 25, and this past January, me and my boyfriend of 8 years broke up. I thought it would be the best thing for us, after being together since we were 16, and have only dated each other. Now that I am in the dating world, I am absolutely miserable. I miss my best friend, my boyfriend, my other half. But now he has moved on to a new girlfriend. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I have good days and I have bad days.

I am now afraid of being alone forever. I am afraid no one will love me the way he did, or look at me the way he did, or treat me the way he did. And yeah everyone says… You are young Gabby, you have plenty of time. But I am still scared and I cant help it. There is this guy in my life, he is the most up and down, hot and cold man I’ve ever met. I think the challenge of him makes me put up with it. But in reality, I need to realize he will NEVER make me his girlfriend, rather he will just keep me around until I smarten up and realize I’m worth so much more, and I deserve someone who wants me to be their girlfriend.

Now I know you are not a therapist or a counselor, but do you have any articles that help with either of my situations? Any articles that will help me realize my worth and that I shouldn’t settle for someone who treats me like an option? Or any articles that will help me realize I’m young and there is a big world out there and I wont be alone forever?

Thanks for listening,

G
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Dearest G,

Have you ever been on the “missed connections” section of Craigslist?

It’s a virtual message board, almost like one those bulletin boards for all the “missing persons,”  for all the people who see someone– in a coffee shop, a dive bar, the grocery store, wherever– and they wished they had more courage to say hello.

Hi. Sup. Nice to meet you.

All those simple, one syllable words that suddenly get blocked from your lungs when you see a stranger from across the way whose blue eyes look like coming home.

It’s a booming collection of people who missed out and they are grabbing for another chance. I saw a “missed connection” the other day from a boy who posted a picture of a note left on his lap while he was sleeping in one of the libraries of NYU, nearly two years ago. The note said something like “Hello sleepy boy, I wonder what you are dreaming of. –The girl who sat across from you on the couch.” For two years he could not shake the girl who left him the note while he was dozing on piles of textbooks.

He’s just one of the millions of us who stay wondering about a person we’ve never met or known or shared so much as a coffee with.   A site like “missed connections” works because a) we’re human. b) we crave connection. c) there is something dually haunting and beautiful about the idea what might have been. The “what if”s. The “maybe”s and the “perhaps,one day”s.

You can stand straight in the pits of missed connections, dear. No one will ever tell you to get gone or keep moving. Half of us don’t know how to get our feet unstuck from the muds of it either. But life is not a slew a “what might have been” moments. Life is exactly what you made happen. Life is what you did when you showed. Life is the choices you made. Life is the redemption you gained. Life, more than anything, is action steps. The times when you swallowed your fear and you said hello to the girl in the bright red cap reading Walt Whitman poetry.

It’s not thinking about leaving. It’s not wondering if you’ll ever meet someone again. It’s whether or not there are actually shoes on your feet. It’s whether or not you actually walk towards the door, twist the handle, and go.

I’m going to share a story with you.

I’ve never written it down before. I’ve shared it maybe only three or four times. But I am gonna need you to believe in crazy things– like God speaking to his little children– for you to tag along.

I dated a boy in the sliver of space between graduating from college and moving to New York City. He was wonderful. Really. I should have been happy. Even at the start though, I wanted to go free.

At the same time I was trying to get down low to the ground with my faith. I was really trying to figure out this God character. I got a book out from the library. It had a black cover. I thought it would teach me a thing or two about Faith. Grace. That stuff.

Turns out, the book was really a construction worker disguised as a book. It showed up to dig in the trenches of my heart. It was there to chisel me good. I could feel my insides stirring every time I picked the book up. I honestly never knew that God could stir you in a way where you feel it physically. But there was demolition underway. Bright, yellow caution tape up all around me.

One day while nannying, I was reading the book among a battlefield of Nerf guns and blond bowl cuts with tan torsos flying through the backyard when I looked up to see a spider spinning a web in the corner of the kitchen window. I was captivated. Enamored. I could not explain it. For reasons I may never fully understand, I would have watched that spider spin its web all day.

It was the first spider of dozens, G. Dozens that I would see in the next few days. One after the other after the other. Make no mistake, those spiders had to be a sign. They started showing up everywhere. The front yard. The kitchen table. The window sills. My dreams. Spiderman toys. Plastic spiders. Everywhere I turned.

I went home that first night, put my palms down on the kitchen table and faced my mother: “I am going insane. Legitimately insane. Spiders. Are. Everywhere.”

We spent the night Googling spiders. Coming up with their origins. Trying to figure out the root of them. Wondering what they could actually mean. Looking in the Bible. Were there spiders in the Bible?

Tell me I’m not crazy, tell me I’m not crazy, I whimpered into the night as I tried to fall asleep. I woke up the next morning to find three spiders spinning a web of fresh silk over the coffee pot on the stove.

 
The spider signs grew bigger and bigger and bigger. Every time I saw another one I could feel everything inside of me saying, “Let the boy go. Let the boy go.” I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to win. I wanted to somehow, someway, be worthy of being the center of someone’s universe. But still the whisper roared, Let. The. Boy. Go.

I closed the book. Hid it away. The signs stopped. The spiders ceased. The voices stopped. The stirring in my stomach fell away.

 
Weeks later, it ended. I left. It ended over something as stupid as the color “yellow.” You could call it “bound to happen all along” but I just call it “yellow,” even to this day. I said goodbye. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I got in my car. I felt freedom on my chest. I drove to the ocean. I sat in the sand by myself and I reopened the book right where I had closed it.

Two pages later, I stumbled into a story about a woman walking in the woods. A spider web appeared. And she stopped to watch that spider spin. She could have watched that spider spin its web all day. And then she heard from God,

“I am spinning. You are not. Let me go ahead of you. Stop trying to drag your own mess into my intricate picture. Don’t bring anything more into the web.”

It had been there the whole time. Just two pages away from me. But I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t see it. Not until I was ready to stop dragging around my own mess.

You have to go this alone. The voice inside me stirred again. This is not a matter of geography or what you can or cannot pack into a suitcase, this is a matter of who you’ve always wanted to be.

Don’t. bring. anything. more. into. the. web.

G, this is not a matter of geography or what you can or cannot pack into a suitcase. This is a matter of who you’ve always wanted to be. You’ve answered all your own questions right in your email. As Cheryl Strayed has written dozens of times, “You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Be brave enough to break your own heart.” You’ve got to trust all the words you’ve already written.

I’ll close by saying this,

I hope you leave. I genuinely, genuinely hope you walk towards the door today, or tomorrow, or the next day. Not because I wish to see you alone. Not because I think you need to be alone. Just because it would break my heart seven months past September to know you are out there, never fully knowing the weight of your worth or stepping into the person you’ve always wanted to be, because someone on the other side of that relationship was too stupid to see that you’re a light. And that lights don’t belong under blankets. Lights belong on trees. Lights belong on hills. Lights belong in all the little places where people can see them and they cannot say anything more than, “There is a light. There she is, there she is.” You might never know the micro tears– the hundreds & hundreds of them– that will form on the inside of you just by staying there.

Lights belong where people can see them, G.

Don’t bring anything more into the web.

hb.

I would appreciate if we could keep the conversation going for G. Please post a comment of blessing, a lesson, a mini love letter. Whatever you please. She is reading and I know she would appreciate it too.

 

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63 Comments

Filed under Letting Go

63 responses to “Don’t bring anything more into the web.

  1. Anonymous

    you deserve more good days, G. calendars full of good days. and i know you can bring them about for yourself. when you do, when you’re busy looking around you and taking in all the good surrounding you, someone is going to walk in to share every single one of those days with you. good luck baby, hannah and her readers have faith in you <3

  2. Rhea Williams

    I feel moved to comment as I’ve seen this all too often in the most amazing ladies. They fear being alone and convince themselves to settle. Walk away, walk tall, cry and grieve, and then move on. The cliché’s are true, annoying but true. I say this as a reformed and recovering love junkie. You have to be able to pause and truly know that you are enough to find your great love. This is not to say you have to go a whole day or even an hour feeling that way. To be indifferent to longing for companionship is not the human condition. But to be able to pause and in one breath know that you are enough, you are complete and lovely is the most powerful place. It’s also very sexy.

  3. jas

    A couple weeks ago I signed up for these newsletters, but never really read them until today and I don’t know if its a sign. Today, its been a rough day… I also have recently broke it off with my boyfriend of 8 or 9 years. Its been real hard. I have tried and tried to get closer to God after the first couple times we called it off, but its been a struggle. I read about all these “miracles”, “signs”, and stories about how I should let God lead the way and not worry. But its hard. I pray and at times I still feel the same. I don’t know how to let go and I don’t know how allow God to lead the way. As much as I just want him to, I just feel like my feelings and thoughts have a strong hold on me. I don’t know how to get rid of it. I exercise, I surround myself around positive people, and try to think positive, but I just cannot shake this hold off me. Reading this puts a smile on my face, but I want to feel confident again and not feel lonely.

    • Dear Jas – don’t be lonely. You’re a perfect, radiant person. I just feel pressed by whatever I believe may be god telling me to tell you I just KNOW you are a true gem of a soul. A diamond. I just see rubies and pearls and sparkling, glowing beauty that is your very life. I hope that your heart finds solace in that you are never, absolutely NEVER, alone. I prove it right now by saying if you need or want a friend, come find me. :) fb.com/elliethepoet – Hoping you the very best, sweets.

  4. AshleyLyn

    I have been there G. Hannah said it best, be brave enough to let that heart break. I ended a relationship once and man, did it scare the hell out of me. I immediately regretted it and thought to myself, what if I just broke up with my future husband? Time went on, I found new things to focus on, I fell in love with myself and then boom, right at the most perfect time, met the man who I am now lucky to call my soul mate and husband. All in good time babygirl, focus on you!

  5. O

    We often think the only way we can feel love is to have a physical person to love us. Maybe it’s society to blame for this and maybe it’s us. One thing to remember: You are worthy of love simply because you exist. say that to yourself. But beyond that, remind yourself that love comes from more than just one person. Look at your life. Look at all the blessings. The smiles and laughs you have or witness each day. Those are signs of love from something beyond us. We each individually have a constant and unconditional flow of love from God. Recognize it and revel in it. YOU DESERVE LOVE, G. Love from others but most importantly from yourself.
    You’re not alone in this. These are hard things to remember and live out on a day to day basis but I have faith in you, G.

  6. Leah C

    G,

    Like you, I’m struggling with letting go. But unlike you, I wasn’t the one who wanted to leave. He left after a year of long-distance relationship was too much for him and because there was too much confusion in his eyes. I saw it in my last visit with him. I thought he was the one, and both our families were pretty sure of it too. The problem was he left with the “what-ifs” of trying again later, wanting to stay friends because we’ve never been able to communicate with someone else so beautifully before. We went through a spell of “just friends” who told each other they loved them and he kept asking me to not give up on him because of the struggles deep within him. So i stayed. I never gave up. A month later he said things had to stop. He gave up. I think he went on a date the next week and now he’s been dating her for nearly a year and a half. Here I am a year and a half later still fighting the urge not to give up on him. He was my first love, and no one’s ever understood me so completely like he did. Every day I wonder if I’m ever going to meet someone who will love me again, or if I’m destined to live life alone. Especially when all my close friends are getting rings put on their fingers by sweet, Christian men who are going to love them for the rest of their life. I can’t help but question why couldn’t that have been us? My ultimate goal in life ever since I was a small child was to have a family, lots of kids, but that kinda requires a man. I went to a counselor about it a year ago. The hardest thing she made me do in that one session was repeat to myself “It’s over” because in my head I didn’t believe it. I always thought he’d figure out he was being stupid and I was the best thing in his life. I struggle every day because I seem to find him everywhere, in a song or a Silverado or a civil engineer. I can’t say I have any advice for you…other than that Hannah’s blog has been one of the greatest finds for me in the past few months. She’s truly got some words of wisdom. I just wish I could make myself apply those words instead of just reading them and knowing they’re directed at me. Just know there’s someone else out there struggling too. Trying to escape the loneliness and fear that “growing up” seems to pile on my shoulders.

    -L the hopeless romantic

  7. Chelsea

    Hannah,
    I just subscribed to your blog after I read your uplifting piece in Huffington Post, regarding the not-so awful curse of the “still single friend.” I must say that I am a huge believer in signs, and I take this post to be one as well.
    I find myself in a very similar position to G – loving a boy who can’t even decide which pair of sneakers to slip on in the morning, let alone who he wants to settle down with. In fact, I spent my entire commute with a pit in my stomach, rewinding all the recent fragments of interactions that, when pieced together, clearly show I’m not what he wants.
    I opened my email containing this post at a red light. I swear, the light stayed red a full minute longer than usual, just so I could read the words I needed to see.
    G, I hope you, too, take Hannah’s anecdote to heart, and give yours to someone that truly deserves it.
    Love and well wishes
    -C

  8. Hi gabby and Hannah . The reference of spiders web pulled my attention as I tangled myself in my own emotional one for years and Hannah’s letter makes so much sense. I was touched by both your letter Gabby and Hannah’s reply. Things changed for me in my search for love when I realised that I am love. I could stop searching . i need to add that i have been married for 19 years and still struggled with Love. A powerful quote that may resonate with you is ” I went searching for god to find only myself, I went searching for myself to find only God” . Other great source on love that I am thrilled to see written is Loveability by Robert Holden. And finally the source of understanding love and the one? From a law of attraction point of view is Melody Fletcher. You are a bright light and it’s all going to be more than okay :) love and light from a needs matcher across the ocean bernie x

  9. Dear G,

    I knew a boy once who didn’t see my light. He kept it for himself, hidden under all kinds of blankets that we called “future” and “forever.” I spent nearly two years letting that boy strip my soul of all it’s glitter. I changed, I lose a best friend. All over some stupid boy who kissed me by a lake and bought me f*cking gifts from the dollar store. Just enough to keep me close, but never enough to make me see that I was worth so much more. My dreams of NYC and world travel dwindled down to buying a trailer together and raising toddlers and dogs and living in rural Georgia. My best friend–who I used to shop for impractical stilettos with in high school, promising each other one day we’d have a reason to wear something so sparkly and precious–had fallen out of my life. He called her all kinds of names for believing I was better than the little life he had for me.

    Go. Live that sparkling life, baby. It started with a kiss by a lake and it should have ended two months later when we realized I was a city girl and he didn’t want me to be. It just wasn’t a match, didn’t blend, but we forced it because we were co-dependent and lonely as hell. You don’t have to do that. You knew a deep, profound love that cost you more than half your heart these last 8 years. You can take the fruit from the labor of that love and sew it into something else. A hobby or an idea. A city or a whole country. Buy a plane ticket or read a borrowed book. Big or small, honey you can do whatever you want, because you’re power-filled and perfect.

    Don’t let anyone–no man, woman, child, parent, boss, celebrity, whatever–keep you from realizing the incredibly glittering and shining light that is your very lifebreath. I believe you have everything to live for, that your whole undefined life is on the line. You have the tenacity in you to dream. So go make it happen, baby.

    Love,
    Ellie

  10. G,
    We all go through this in some way or another. Always trying to spin our webs and add more to them when we just need to stop and listen. Stay strong girl and know that you are loved by the creator and all of us reading your story.

  11. Hannah, what book were you reading?
    G, lights are meant to shine but they can also be dimmed. don’t fear the dim moments but remember that you have always have the capability to shine.

  12. Susan

    I am over 60, and it was only a few years ago that I was finally able to verbalize what I wanted most in a relationship. Note: I said most, not only. That word is “cherished”. I have never discussed this with a therapist or many other people at all, so there may be those who will tell me I am way off-base. Sharing this with you was a gut reaction, so I ran with it. It may or may not be helpful, but do love yourself first, no matter what. I am hoping you find your best path.

  13. E

    Sweet baby girl, G. We have all been hovering where you are now. And if we haven’t, it is only a matter of time. I will say this…being single at your age will be one of the most amazing periods in your life if you let it. It is your opportunity to really know you, love you, learn you, and be you. Use this time to explore how you’ve changed since you were 16 and how your view of relationships have changed. Use this time to learn what makes you laugh and smile and cry and cause anger and fear. You will survive. I promise. And more than likely you will thrive. You will be more beautiful for going at it alone.

  14. H.

    G, I can relate to what you’re going through. My relationship ended as well, I thought he was “the guy.” We let each other go and now it’s an emotional mess for both of us because these things are never really over, until they’re OVER. The best advice I’ve received is that it hurts because it mattered, and that’s okay. We need to let ourselves feel every spectrum of the grieving process, because truly it is a loss. The loss of our lover and best friend. Focus on you and what makes you happy. Create that happiness and I swear you will find the strength within that you’re looking for. It’s in you, it was never in him. Do this, and the most amazing people will be attracted to your life naturally.

  15. Morgan

    G, Hannah said it all, so eloquently and I cannot add to them. I WILL repeat a few: “….lights don’t belong under blankets. Lights belong on trees. Lights belong on hills. Lights belong in all the little places where people can see them and they cannot say anything more than, “There is a light. There she is, there she is.””

    Don’t ever be an option, girl. ever. eeeeeeever. xxoo

  16. candy

    Cheryl Strayed says true. What I want to tell you : it is up to you decide your own limits and what you want to feel. Do not listen to that fears. Do not regreat choices you made. It is only a lost of time. Your hapiness is in your hand. You are not an option and in this situation there is no option to leave or not to leave. You already know it because you already know you deserve more. You know inside what to do to go towards what you deserve. Trust in you and open you heart, your mind, your eyes. Yes, it will be different as it will be different person with a different story but love remains universal and if is is not mutual, maybe it is just a matter of the right moment or the right person for both of you. If you do not try to be what you want to be, if you do not give you a chance to be treated as you want, you won’t learn anything. Each person you will meet will bring something to you, you will learn on yourself. Give you a chance to be open to opportunities. Some will appear first to be wrong, others won’t, but at the end all will teach you on yourself. Try to focus on that.

  17. Beautiful, just beautiful. When I was young I went to a palm reader and asked when I would find love. She said not for a long time. But when I did, he would be different from anyone else. And it came true. And he was. In the meantime I lived my life instead of waiting because it might be a long time.

  18. G & Lovelies,

    Thanksgiving morning I found out that the man I was falling in love with was in fact, married! Yes ladies, straight up married. The worse part about it is, after I used my spidey sense investigation skills I discovered that they’ve only been married 6 months. My heart ached for her. I hurt, but I ached for her. She was entangled in his web and deserved to know the truth. I found her email (watch your social media preferences) and told her everything. The blessing in walking away from him is that I am helping her walk away too. We’re emailing and oddly enough had a conversation over the phone and prayed about how we’re going to regroup and move on. Sisters, we’re worth more to God, ourselves, and our future mister to pick our pretty little legs up and walk towards the unknown which is both liberating and scary. But hey, people walked on water because of faith, so we can surely regain our dignity, value, and position. Love yourself!

  19. jennsinclair

    Hello G and Lovelies:

    On Thanksgiving I found out that the man I was falling in love with was in fact married, yes, straight up married! After using my spidey investigation sense, I found his wife’s email and told her everything. The greatest blessing in walking away from him, was helping her walk away as well. We’ve talked, emailed, cried and prayed together. The more we get up on our pretty little legs and walk away, the greater we open our heart to bigger more deserving love. It’s not easy and it doesn’t always feel good, but feelings will catch up to good (or bad) decisions much later. For now…follow your instincts and your heart!

  20. I broke up with a boy who I was with for three years, and I’ve had good days & bad days. Then I met another boy who was hot & cold, & I kept him around until I realized I deserved someone who was proud to call me their equal, their challenge, their friend. & whenever I start to miss one of the hims that I kept around, I just remember they call it an ex for a reason. Sometimes we just need to extract presences out of our life. It doesn’t make them bad people, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But it does leave you with a void to fill. You can fill it with weepy Tuesdays or you can fill it with pampering Tuesdays. The kinds that you spend drinking hot chocolate or wine, curled up on the couch. The kind of Tuesdays where you spend a few extra bucks on a good meal. Whether that be the best buffalo wings in town or the fanciest steak around, you don’t wear shame on your sleeve, you don’t think about consequences. & there’s no one there to tell you to feel otherwise. You don’t need to plan out your Friday nights based on where someone else wants you to be. You just go wherever you want & never look back. You’ll always remember the wonderful nights you spent with so & so’s. But don’t forget the ones that left you heart broken. Don’t forget to dream about the so & so’s you get to meet in the future. Maybe you’ll meet the perfect one. If not, who cares. You’ve got the perfect you. They say it takes 10,000 hours of doing something to become a master, right? Well you’ve got way more than 10,000 hours of being you & what a damn fine job you’re doing. All your inadequacies are adequate.

  21. Brieanna

    As I read these comments full of love and wisdom, I notice that many people are talking about grieving lost loves. What input I can say is little but I know it’s truth. I don’t understand a lot of the talk here about past romantic relationships because at 22 years old the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship was a lot like the second guy Gabby talked about in her email. What I do understand though, is grief. And loneliness. And pain. And bad days. What I can say in those regards is that grief and loneliness come from many places but feel remarkably the same. And the one thing I’ve found to make those feelings less unbearable is to constantly remind myself that no matter how alone I feel, I am never alone. And neither are you. God doesn’t ever leave you or forsake you and he is capable of giving the most unfathomable peace to each of us. So greave those losses and have those bad days. But don’t ever forget to remind yourself that none of us have to walk this life alone.

  22. Mika

    Dear G,
    Know that we ultimately get the love we think we deserve. Also know that this can change. You left your boyfriend for a reason and I think it’s that you need to learn to love yourself first before you enter into forever with someone. You need to know how you want to be loved, how you want to be treated. You cannot depend on anyone to love you enough if you don’t set the example. As for the other boy please flee. Believe in the better, and I know it’s hard but you’re never alone. There are millions of us out here waiting for the one but I’ll be damned if I settle for anything less than the movie kind of love, that impossible kind of love and not convinence so I wish you the same. You’ll be in my prayers tonight. God bless!

  23. Kirby

    Oh G….HB is so right…..Shine girl, shine bright, don’t let ANYONE keep you from shining. You deserve REAL TRUE BRIGHT LOVE. Girl, I’ve been there….Left my high school sweetheart, married the man I met 4 months later just after dating for 8 months- while I love the results of my marriage-my two little divas, I wish I would have realized he dimmed my light-he covered it with blankets and forced me to hide it from the world. Girl, trust me when I say, it’s no fun-you won’t be happy and Sweetie, Happiness is what you need, self love is what you need, self worth is what you need. You know why? because all of that looks good on you. Happiness, confidence, self-love, self-worth (and a little red lipstick) are the most BEAUTIFUL Accessories for a woman! So rock them, girl, Rock them and don’t let anyone snuff your style, your light, your beauty!

  24. Words from an “old lady”, one whose been married for 31 years and is now watching her young adult children go through the throes of relationship building. There is someone worth waiting for. I found mine when my friends were already all married and I thought I never would. My sister found hers when she was 30 and he was 18 years older than her. There is someone who will fit you like a glove and you will be soul mates. Don’t settle for less. It is worth the wait!

  25. Hi G. Twenty-seven years ago at the age of 25 I married my first and only boyfriend. He had a lot of issues– I even had friends take me aside and tell me they thought I deserved better. But I didn’t think so. I made the classic mistake of believing that I could love him into being a healthier person, but all I did was dig myself into a pit of codependence. Yes there were good times, and I have two wonderful daughters from that relationship, but I sacrificed a lot, in part because I was afraid of ending up alone. The loneliest I have even been was in the last years of my marriage. Once I left and could be alone to think my own thoughts and be my own self I stopped being lonely. If I could go back and talk to myself at the age you are now, it would be to say “don’t make life decisions from a place of fear and self-deprecation. Figure out your own path and walk it with dignity and confidence. If you do that, the right people will show up to walk alongside you.”

  26. aMamaFirst

    G ~
    My heart is aching for you sweet sister. I am on round two of feeling the need to let go. However, I have children and life is more complicated that way. I am angry at myself that I let myself be in the same exact position twice. I am much older than you, but like you, I have great trepidation that I will end up walking my path alone.
    At the moment I am standing on the precipice overlooking a path that I clearly must take … but it is never easy. At 18, 25, 44 … sometimes we just have to quit – cold turkey baby.
    The number one most important thing is for you to value yourself enough to let another value you enough to let you shine. Honey, we should never be an option. You are a princess, the Fathers beloved princess and He expects you to be treated as such. Don’t settle, He wants more for you.
    I am rambling, I know. So I’ll just close by saying SHINE ON BABY .. shine on. You are a princess who deserves a prince, and I am not talking the trite Disney princess/prince crud, but the kind, encouraging, Godly prince that will count you as an equal – not an option.
    Muah!
    aMamaFirst

  27. G,

    I have been there. After my long-term relationship ended, I explored the realms of singleness and availability. (I hadn’t been single for more than a month for almost 6 years at that point.) I flirted. I let a few guys kiss me–guys I wasn’t sure I was interested in, but they were there. I had a crush on this one guy…M. He was a friend. He liked to drink a lot. I don’t drink at all. But my friends at that point were all drinkers, so I would hang around while they drank because I was worried that they would try to drive, and because they did things like leaving the stove on, and I felt like I needed to watch out for them. Of course, that was the wrong place to be. M was seriously interested in another girl who had a boyfriend, but when he was drunk, he was interested in me. Physically only. And that wasn’t what I wanted. I was really conflicted. Should I wait around for him to decide he cared about me, or cut my losses? Eventually, he tried to push things physically much farther than I was willing to go, and I ran. He felt ashamed, and sometimes I do too, because I knew what was happening. But we managed to save the friendship, and I value that relationship because of what it never was.

    And when I ran from M, I thought I wanted to be single. Until I met my dream guy. You know that list of perfect qualities you make when you start dreaming up your own personal Mr. Right? I met Mr. Right. He was everything I thought I wanted. He was also a liar, a cheater, manipulative, emotionally abusive, up-and-down-hot-and-cold-kind-and-cruel and everything else I didn’t need. He didn’t value me. I was just another girl to validate him and give him the emotional fuel he wanted. And when he got bored with me, he told me I was worthless, unlovable. That our relationship didn’t work because I wasn’t good enough for him. “God doesn’t want us to be together. He told me. You just didn’t know because God doesn’t really talk to women much.” That is what he told me. And two months later when he got bored with the other girl and wanted me back, he said God had changed his mind, that it was God’s will for us to be together. I was too vulnerable and wounded at that point to refuse. On some level, I still wanted to be with him. And a month later, I was dumped again. And then a few months later, a third time. Same lines. He left for the same girl. He was doing the same thing to her and four others. He didn’t value us. And all of us let him use us for emotional validation.

    I was so angry after the third breakup. Mr. Right was a jerk, and I hated him. Sometimes I think I still do. He caused me so much pain. So much emotional damage. But I was even angrier at myself for not walking away. There were signs. I had suspicions about the cheating and the lies. I knew he was abusing me psychologically and emotionally. But I didn’t leave. I waited until he left me, and then remained available to him for a second and third attempt at a relationship. And that was my fault.

    I don’t have many regrets, but one of my biggest is that I didn’t walk away sooner from the boy who didn’t value me. I didn’t walk away before he broke me.

    But that story isn’t all about anger and loss and brokenness. Things got better. There was a beautiful man waiting on the wings to love me. He valued me. He respected my stricter boundaries. He understood that I needed time to heal. He cared enough to wait until I was ready. He was supportive, compassionate, sweet. He was Mr. Right’s best friend, and I probably never would have taken time to know him if he hadn’t offered comfort and support when I was broken. But we have been happily dating for three years. We’re planning on forever. :)

    All that story just to tell you that you absolutely should not waste precious moments of your life on boys who do not realize how incredibly precious you are. Don’t let them leave their nasty smudgey handprints all over the priceless diamond they don’t even know how to treasure. Don’t wait until they have chipped and cracked and scratched and broken you to walk away. Walk away now.

    And don’t wait for the next one. You keep walking. You pursue your dreams. Your future. The right one will run after you to catch up.

  28. LA

    Refer to Hannah’s post “And then the grey seeped in…”
    One of my favorites. Will be a perfect read for you, G.

  29. Ren

    I just want to put out there that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I have always, always, always craved one–probably more than I’ve ever craved chocolate, or even wine, in my life. I’ve wanted to be loved by all wrong boys, and then I’ve wanted to be loved by The Boy–not just anyone, mind you. And I think this is one of the reasons, at least 50% of the reason, why I’ve always been alone. Part of me thinks that God keeps the boys at bay because He knows I will hurt myself from the want of a great love with the wrong guy, and that deep down, He and I both know what I really want is a great love with the only man I could ever have a great love with, and there is only one of him out there. We both know who it is. God, more specifically; me, in a more distant, I haven’t seen you in forever but when we meet it will be just like we’ve always known kind of way. I have to believe this guy is out there, because he is the only one I trust to treat me right, and the only one I trust to forgive me when I step out of line and hurt him unintentionally. My mom accuses me of being picky all the time and it makes me life because she really has no idea just how picky I’m being. You have to be strong enough to trust in yourself before you can trust someone else with your emotions–this is something I’ve learned, something I know, but also something I fail to remember when it really counts. I love hashing out my feelings just as much as the next blogger, but there does come a time when you can give too much clout to your emotions and they end up doing you more harm than good. Before you start to believe in someone else’s love, learn to believe in your own love first. You will come to know that love for all the worth it bestows upon your being, and when a certain guy comes along in your life you will then know whether or not you are compatible. You have to learn to see through realistic and even brutal eyes when it comes to men, just as they have to do with women. It doesn’t mean you perceive of them harshly, just that you are not so quick to let your guard down or to give yourself away to them too quickly. I never wanted to pay much attention to this advice, but I’m starting to learn the value of being able to love yourself and to be okay being alone with yourself before you can love and be with someone else. Kindest regards and best wishes, G!

  30. Hi! I could not agree more with the preceding comments. I would like to share :”Who You Are: A Message To All Women” on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWi5iXnguTU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

  31. Jared

    You are #soworthloving

    G my dearest,

    Life gets messy and words get messy. Our hearts are fragile and we fall apart if a love interest does not give us the attention we long for. If there is one thing I have discovered after writing letters for people it’s that words have power. A simple “I LOVE YOU” has the power to fall onto your heart and make it race faster or it can fall into your stomach and give you butterflies.

    Don’t fall into this easily.

    Your love, affection and devotion towards another person is priceless. Your heart is not a Spotify subscription trial. Babycakes, YOU ARE DESERVING OF THE MOST AMAZING RELATIONSHIPS. It may not be today or may not be tomorrow, but the opportunity will come where you will cross paths with such an amazing person who will take your breath away, love you unconditionally, leave their taste on your lips and give you butterflies in your stomach.

    The Japanese author Haruki Murakami wrote about two lovers in his book South of the Border, West of the Sun. The boy (Hajime) and girl (Shimamoto) first met when they were 12 years old and stayed with each other for many years. However, they believed that somewhere out there in the world is the perfect person for each of them. They both made a pact to separate and if they were really meant for each other, they would cross paths again, but by then it was too late. Hajime had married a different woman. The feelings Shimamoto had towards him resurfaced but her courage overpowered.

    “I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”

    Always remember that you are #soworthloving no matter what. I’d like to finish with this quote. The American motivational speaker Katrina Mayer once said:

    “if I could go back in time, I would tell my little self
    you are beautiful, you are perfect,
    YOU ARE LOVED!”

    – Jared

  32. Dear G,

    I know that guy! Not literally, of course, but I know someone, lots of someones, who fit the description you gave. I ended a 12 year relationship this summer. 8 of those years we were married. It was an amicable, easy split. I thought I was fine. I thought I was finally free to find someone with whom I was a better fit. Who’d I find almost immediately? You guessed it, Mr. Hot and Cold,Mr. Up and Down. Boy was he a charmer. And sexy. And an amazing kisser. And on paper, we were perfect for each other. But, he was a pain in the ass. He wasn’t funny. He didn’t respect me, or even my time. I gave him the benefit of the doubt time and again because I worried that no one would ever kiss me like that again. That I would die alone. That I was entering my 40’s as a divorced woman with a cat. What if I suddenly found myself with a lot of cats?

    I finally let him go. It was hard, harder maybe than ending my marriage. But, he wasn’t right and I knew it and so did he. I did it with the help of my 3 best friends, 3 of the loveliest women on the planet. They reassured me – he is a douchebag, I am worth 100 of him, his name is stupid, I can do better, he’s probably a sociopath, I am the one who is the good kisser – so good that I made him look brilliant!

    Oh, also, I saw a dr who helped me deal with the mild depression and anxiety I was feeling about my whole new situation, that I hadn’t even noticed until I couldn’t get off the couch to go to work one day. That helped a lot.

    You know your worth. You said so in your email. You know you won’t be alone forever. You said so in your email. You just need to believe it. You also need to believe that you are strong enough to handle the sadness that will come when you leave, and know that the sadness will dissipate and be replaced by pride that you stood up for yourself. (I also recommend deleting all past text messages and emails, and if you can, remove that # from your phone.)

    Try this trick: Write down a list of all the qualities in your ideal man. Not talking about looks, but personality, attitude, values, etc. Make it a longish list. Put some thought into it. Then, let some time go by – an hour, a night, a couple days, whatever. Look at the list and read those traits. I will bet money that those traits are you. It might sound cheesy, but this exercise helped me to see my worth. Maybe it will help you.

    Good luck. You are not alone.

    Katie

  33. Deb

    G, alone can be Lovely. http://www.tanyadavis.ca/videos Let Tanya tell you. She does it so well.

  34. Elyse Nicole Demoya

    This post was bittersweet.
    1. It was utterly relatable.
    2. Because of reading it, it was confirmation that I have to let go of J.
    3. Thank you for reminding me of what worthiness truly is.

    Jesus gave me a vision Sunday. He was holding me & hugging me. He said, “It’s okay, I’ll never leave you.” Something inside me broke, shifted, changed. I became completely undone.

    It’s as if He knew that I tried running away from Him, as fast as my little legs could carry me, because of the intimacy that was being cultivated (because I was allowing Him to enter into the depths of my heart – that were sticky, mysterious, parts of my heart I hadn’t even been exposed to). It was painful. His grace was so pure, while my brokenness was so real – it’s as of He knew that the simple revelation He was allowing me to experience made me nervous & afraid.

    So, I ran. I ran from intimacy. I ran from the one thing that sustains me. I ran hard and I ran fast.

    But I realized that I’m not strong enough to even carry my heart, my dreams and burdens – I wasn’t made to. But He is. So, two nights ago, exhausted from running from the True Romancer, I gave Him my heart back, because it’s too fragile for me to carry. I gave Jesus my heart back, because it belongs in His hands.

  35. Dearest G,
    Maybe coming across your email and Hannah’s reply was my aha moment, something I needed, a chance to finally admit that where I am now is exactly where I should be no matter how dark and scarey it seems.

    You see a year ago I was with the most wonderful man. He was my best friend, my everything in between. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to just fill my heart with that much love, but he did. And then one day out of no where he told me he couldn’t do it anymore. After picking out engagement rings and planning what our wedding would be like, he just left. It was at that point I came across Hannah’s blog and her story and in some ways, she has helped me more than she knows come out of the dark days of wanting to end it all. And now a year later to hear the words she has left for you, makes me feel like I am in a place where I can finally here it and understand that she is right.

    And that’s what I have to say to you. You may not be ready to hear the words that Hannah writes, but you will one day. And my advise to you is to take your time. Clear out the mess in your life, spend nights staring at walls being alone and listening to your heart, mind and soul and over time you will find who you are, who you want to be and between all that your worth will emerge. And with that sense of confidence and the beautiful life you will come to live and find, you will find that someone that adds things to your life that make you feel like your cup is overflowing with love. But it will only be when you let yourself go through the pain, feel the things you need to and really figure out who you want to be that all the right things will emerge. And so to you I say, take your time and live through the pain, hurt and everything else. Becuase its once all of that has been dealt with you will be released of anything holding you back.

    Wishing you a beautiful and meaningful life journey full of love :)

    – A

  36. Oh G, how I can relate. I was married for 23 years and filed for divorce. He was my best friend. I met him when I was 15 years old. I miss him sometimes something terrible. I’ve been without him for two years. So often I feel like I am going to be alone forever. That feeling makes me think that I need to push and rush and find someone to fill the empty I feel in my life. I’ve dated a couple men and put up with things that before my divorce I had thought was ridiculous just so I wasn’t lonely.

    At times, I still rush and push and try to tear through that web that Hannah talks about. I have a family that reminds me constantly that God has a plan and I need let him weave it all together, he doesn’t need my help. That same family holds my hand every time I end up trying it my way and pick me back up when I fail miserably at it.

    I know that I will not be alone forever. I know there is someone out there for me. I know that I survive. You too will not be alone, you will have that special someone fill up your life, and you will survive. We both just need to let the web be and wait to see how beautiful it turns out.

    Hugs ~ Amanda

  37. There’s something we’ve said over and over in this last year – my friends and i – “do you.” So, G, just do you. Do the you in your heart.

  38. Anonymous

    I’m in my 50s and single again. My whole marriage I knew I was worth more than he gave. He told me I wasn’t attractive, that he didn’t love me when we married. He decided where and when we would vacation and if and how we would be inimate (usually we weren’t). He couldn’t give any more because he’d been given nothing. He knew I was a light and he wanted me only as an accessory to his darkness. He died by suicide and all of a sudden, I could breathe again. I am discovering that I like my quiet evenings alone, that I do not need a “him” to be a whole. That I am not “half” a couple. That no one completes me, I am complete in Christ. G. said it herself in her letter. She knows she’s worth more. Self-respect and self-acceptance are the first steps to being who you are and doing what you need to do to shine your light in the world. Shine on. And your light will find other lights…

  39. P

    G, please let go of this boy. Sometimes our heart settles for less because it fears it will never find more. (Been there myself.) Settling only closes off all possibility of any chance you will ever find more. More love, more adoration, more worth, more happiness, more peace. The boy you are meant to be with, the one who will not only let your light shine, but nurture and love it so that it will grow brighter is out there. You will find him. You deserve to find him, and he deserves to find you.

    “…I need to realize he will NEVER make me his girlfriend, rather he will just keep me around until I smarten up and realize I’m worth so much more, and I deserve someone who wants me to be their girlfriend.”

    When I read this, my first thought was that you needed someone who doesn’t just WANT you to be his girlfriend. He NEEDS you to be his girlfriend. He can’t imagine you not being his girlfriend. His heart will pound out your name with every breath until he makes it so. That’s the kind of love you need to find. To do that, you need to let this boy go.

    Walk out into that great big world alone, and open your heart to the possibility of the love you need to find. Use this time to get back to you, and what makes your light shine bright. Indulge in yourself. Love yourself. Don’t be afraid to walk alone for a while. Don’t be afraid to enjoy it. One day, when you’re walking down the street, the footsteps of that boy will inconspicuously fall in step with yours as he gently takes your hand.

  40. Dear G, First a big HUG from my heart to yours: (((((You))))) and some bubbles > oooOOooOOoOooOOooOoooOooOOoO <
    I left left an unhealthy marriage 10 years ago (wow, I can't believe it's been that long). I can tell you there IS light on the other side. Beautiful light. And being Single is A-OK. It is important to learn and understand who you are, what you love about yourself, and to be happy and comfortable in your own company. You are Worth it. You are Worth spending the time with YOU. It is perfectly fine to be alone. No one else "Completes Us" WE are responsible for completing ourselves. I also encourage you to spend time with those who love you and make you smile; whether that equals friends or girlfriends or guy friends. Do something kind for someone else. and do something kind for yourself: talk to yourself as you would talk to the 5 year old version of you. Say the kinds of things to yourself that you say to your bestie. We are all Tall Children. Some of us are simply taller than others. Here's another HUG ((((((You)))))) Shine on, dear one, Shine on! <3 Kristin

  41. Sister

    G!
    You are a precious precious jewel & our sweet father loves you so much that He wouldn’t want you in a relationship that wasn’t part of His perfect plan for you. Not that it will be perfect, but it will be scriptured just for you. I have walked a very similar path to yours and friend, I can tell you…it gets better!!!! Throw yourself into the open arms of our heavenly prince and allow Him to fill you in ways you have never known. He will totally do it, and as He fills you life will start to feel easier. There will be moments when you feel you can’t go on, but chose to use them as opportunities to have your needs met by the one who won’t let you down.
    Allow you feel like things are so dark right now, if you let Him He will turn this year into one of the most fruitful years of your life so far! Don’t worry about what everyone around you is doing, keep your eyes on Him & when the time is right He will bring a man alongside you to encourage you on your journey if that is part of Hos plan for you.
    You are His masterpiece girl! A daughter of the king and worth SO much!!!! You have been chosen to be a part of this family!!! Never doubt that you worth, value & identity are in Christ alone, and don’t give anyone the option to try and take it from you.
    Praying for you sister as I really do understand your pain!
    With Love!! & remember it is just a season :) He has great plans for you!!!

  42. Madria

    Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. No matter how much you try to do right by a person. You cant make him or her love you. Wishing you the best of everything. I am going to be letting go of someone to. Its time to move and see what new things life has to offer. You can do this

  43. Lindsay

    G, try to remember that while you were in the relationship something was there that moved you to leave. Now that you are gone its hard to remember that reason or feeling, but it was real. I did the same thing in July. And since have only met men who don’t know what they want. Let me tell you girl, a person (not only a man) who doesn’t know what they want, or WHO they want in their life does NOT get to be in charge of the relationship and make the decisions. Its unfair and selfish. So let those men go, you will meet a lot of them along the way. Take the next 6 months to do only what you want, what makes you happy. Down to every minute of your day, surrounded by your friends and family. Lean into the love that already surrounds you, darling.

  44. Cat

    There was this tarot card and palm reading i received from this one lady, and she says as you are leaving “you come back and see me again, things are always changing!” It’s true. Life is what you make it. Remind yourself of that over and over. And only you can change it into something worthy enough for yourself. You are already worth it,hon. Remember, love is love no matter how it comes to you. in Friends and family and the work and life you create. I’m about to lose the one person whom texts me everyday and looks forward to my smiles and my embrace in a battle with cancer. I know i’ll be okay when he is no longer there to say good morning to me or kiss me good night. It’ll hurt like hell, because that’s what happens. And as love changes, more moves in. It’ll rush in in some other form to help heal. So chin up, G. You are right where you are supposed to be and check out all this love and support you’ve got! Keep on rockin’ it!

  45. Kerbear

    I think this is exactly what I need right now because exactly a week ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he just wanted to be alone. It hurt like hell and I cried for a long time that night, but it also seems as though a weight has been lifted since he officially broke up with me. And as much as I hate being alone, I have to believe that it is the right thing for us to not be together right now, as much as I want to keep the romantic relationship going, it is just not going to happen right now.
    I am unbelievably glad that I decided to read this. I don’t care about myself to the point that I hurt myself. I don’t believe I will ever love myself or realize any of my worth, if I have any, but I am glad that I have known him and will continue to be his friend (hopefully for years).
    The famous, “if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back, then it was meant to be” quote is going to be my lifeline for a little bit. I want for him to come back to me, but I don’t know if he will. And I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

  46. Pingback: Ask the Young Professional | Weekly Round-Up: December 6, 2013

  47. G~
    I am late to the party and many have posted the things I wanted to say ahead of me. But there are 4 little words that I want you to read again, You can do it. In fact, you already have. You’re letter shows you’ve looked inside yourself and decided – You Are Enough! Remind yourself of that every morning as you brush your teeth and on the moments you feel it slip close you’re eyes and say it again.

    I was once in your shoes. It was a like a country road covered in tree canopy. The life before me was beautiful but every once and while a tree root would trip me up. Sometimes I sat in the middle of the road for awhile, staring at the ground around me rather than the road ahead. But eventually I dusted myself off and kept walking. I know that you can too. You’ve already taken the first and most important step.

    Now, Keep Going.

  48. I’m so thankful I’m on this mailing list. Your writing always brings me to tears. Thank you.

  49. If I had heard this story 5 years ago, my early 20s would have gone so much smoother. It wouldn’t have eased the pain but it would have made it more bearable. What a beautiful piece.

  50. M

    Hannah,
    What book were you reading?
    Thanks Girl

  51. Renae'

    I fell for a guy who told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he was going back to college and wanted to focus on classes, that he wouldn’t have much time for a relationship. So I settled. I stuck around, and told myself that I would be fun for him and prove him that he could find time for me and school. Things were good for about 3-3 1/2 months. We agreed to see only each other and if we found someone else we were interested in then we would be honest with eachother, but he always said “I’m not looking for anyone”. I believed him. I believed that when he asked to take me out, asked to hang out, would text me every day that he was actually interested in me. Recently about 4 weeks ago he randomly texted me and told me he was ready to move on, he was going on a date next week. I wanted to take the higher road, so I just simply responded back, thanks for letting me know. He was so cold in the way he ended it. And over the course of the last 4 weeks I think I have started to see the real him. He will randomly text me when he wants to be intimate. At first I was ok with it because I thought maybe he does still care, maybe he realized he wants me back. But lately we have had a few conversations and afterwards I am sitting there wondering who this person is. Was I really that blind and didn’t see the truth or was he that great of an actor? He even came out and told me he was never interested in me to date, he was just attracted to me and wanted to have sex. But I swear, he said/did things when we first started dating that would prove otherwise. I really opened up to him and told him things about my past, and we would have good conversations-conversations where he encouraged me to be who I wanted to be and not worry about others. And yet in the end, he was using me. I still question things about our relationship, if he really cared or if I was that naive to think he did.
    The worse part is, the girl he ended it with me for, he has been friends with for awhile, they are still talking, seeing each other. Now he takes her on dates, talks to her every day. Yet, he says that they haven’t even made out, they are taking their time to get to know each other, and that’s why he hits me up for sex still. Because she isn’t giving it to him, so he is coming back hoping I will. I won’t lie, sometimes I do. Because I miss him, I want him to want me, and because he’s the type of guy that when he gives you his attention you feel so good, he makes you feel good. When he leaves it takes me a week to fully move on and stop thinking about him. I don’t know why I keep putting myself through this. I am showing him that I have no self worth by allowing him to treat me this way and to still stick around.

    I have no advice for you G, I am in the same boat as you. And as I read peoples posts I cry, because I want to be strong enough to know my self worth and walk away….walk away and not have the urge to respond back to his once a week text to hang out….

  52. Amanda

    That was an amazingly beautiful story…one that I needed to hear. In our darkest times, God can use the simplest things to speak to our hearts and mend our souls and show us that HE IS ENOUGH. He will always be enough. And once we fill our hearts with sweet Jesus and overflow with him, we will always find a man that isn’t enough. But God will bring along the perfect match, one meant for you. Keep God first, the rest will fall into place.

  53. Rissa

    G,
    I feel you, girl. I am in a relationship of four years that has crumbled to peices. My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years and he is wonderful- except he makes poor decisions. Now, I know a relationship is a two way street, so I am working on forgiving and being accountable for my part in this relationship. We are separating in exactly six days and I need to make the decision to leave.
    I imagine my future with this man, and I do not see anything. I do not see children, or a marriage, or a house. I do not see the future that I have been working hard to achieve. Like you, my biggest fear is to be alone. But I have been thinking lately. Why are we all so scared to be alone? Is our own company so horrible, that we cannot bear the thought of our own self? I have come to realize that it is a reflection of our view of ourself.
    We are not damaged. We are not broken. We are worthy of another love.
    Now, I love the man I was with for four years. He is my best friend and he knows me better than I know myself. However, I am not happy in our relationship. I know what I have to do in order to accomplish my own goals. I also know that things will get worse before they get better.
    My advice is to reach towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Involve yourself in your own passions and work towards gaining confidence in being alone. Once you are content with your own self, then I promise you, love will come to you. Love is not something that you can see right away. It takes time, effort, and the right person.

  54. Gabriella

    Hi G and Hannah,

    Today is an exceptionally hard day for me – I read G’s story and Hannah’s lovely and sage advice. Don’t give up G ever. I, too, have gone through a very similiar situation. The difference is I am in my late 30s and previously divorced. The divorce was not as hard as the latest relationship I have had – I truly fell deeply in love with this man. However, I was an option and only an option. Deep down I think I knew he has / had others. Others always see me as this strong woman (professional, bright, all put together) BUT today reading your experience and Hannah’s response and advice from my friends – they are right. We have to find our inner peace, “oneness” with God, and let him guide our lives. Stop bringing more and more into the “web.” I read just yesterday that God has an opportunity but its on his timing. I know its easier said than done. We all want to be loved, crave companionship, and want that “soul mate.” We can’t go through lives of the “what ifs…” I have been through all that you have (what if, options…) – stay strong. You are a beautiful woman. You deserve so much more and it will all come your way.

    Thank you both and everyone else that has posted responses – it gives me strength.

    PS: I write this and it is funny I am writing it for me too G. Never give up and continue to smile.

  55. Sparkle and shine G….. With love ~T

  56. Mercy

    Hi G,& Hannah, Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Someone once told me after a heart break that the best thing one can do for herself/himself is know who you are. While that was the most profound thing I had heard back then, it was the hardest thing to do. After a journey of soul searching, I am still getting to know me and I can tell you it is paying off. Please have courage and know you are in our thoughts. It gets better…..

  57. Dear G,

    Sweetheart, it’s gonna be okay :)
    I want you to know that you are not alone. How can you be ALONE when you are surrounded by 7 BILLION people on this planet ????? Ask for help whenever needed but from people who will uplift you and guide you in making wise choices which will lead you to more joyful life.

    Here’s My story:- I loved fairy tales and thought love is everlasting. If I would be in love, it would be with only one person, my soul-mate, deep, intense, only with him till the end of my life. (sounds like a loyal pet !) However my soul was crushed when I suffered betrayal and abuse. Yet I kept going because I loved him and believed and still believe that love is the most powerful energy in the universe. After the brutal end, I landed up in severe depression clueless about life, with no vitality, no hope and extreme suicidal tendencies. I survived!

    My Healing Journey:- I spent many days, soul-searching for answers, reading and meeting people (in person and on the web), and hearing their stories of love, loss; healing and recovery. During my volunteer work, I shared LOVE with – orphan children, stray animals; sick and dying people and animals. Sharing some of my learning on LOVE and LIFE –

    1) VALUE your OWN LIFE first before any other thing. If “YOU” did not exist in body and soul then NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING around YOU will make ANY sense.
    *** darling “G” I hope you VALUE your precious LIFE before anything else. ***

    2) What is LOVING YOURSELF??? For me LOVING myself was finding the LOVE INSIDE of my OWN BEING. Even after the series of brutal events in my life, to my utter surprise, I could still trust others and give hope and love to ailing people and animals, to the orphans and anyone who came to me for help. Just because people whom we loved in our journey – died, changed, betrayed etc doesn’t mean that they emptied / robbed us of LOVE (inside us). NO other person can rob/take away ANY of our inherent treasures. If anyone feels loss of love, etc due to loss of other person or thing, then they NEVER found the LOVE inside their own hearts. You do not need to earn/receive love from others, you already HAVE it, you SHARE the love with others. One can never love only one person in their entire lifetime, that’s impossible and stingy. People love parents, friends, sibling, their professions etc. So why limit LOVE to just one category of ROMANTIC LOVE. Why such a big deal about ROMANTIC love. One doesn’t need to be in ROMANTIC LOVE to experience LOVE.

    Love is always in our hearts and we can choose to keep sharing it with everyone around us through – hugging, listening, caring, inspiring, motivating, teaching etc. Like Hannah sharing love, globally with complete strangers. So amazing.

    Brandon Bays, in her famous book “The Journey” shares her own story of love, loss, betrayal and understanding the TRUE meaning of LOVE.
    *** darling “G” I hope you find LOVE inside yourself. ***

    3) Our relationship with every other person in our lives is UNIQUE. Many factors play vital role in our relationships – people’s core, personality traits, emotional level, involvement etc. Each relationship is unique and is there for a purpose – to love, to support, to nurture, to inspire, to hurt, to heal, to break etc. Of course every other person in the relationship will make us FEEL DIFFERENT. That’s how it is. So comparing one healthy and loving relationship with another, seems inappropriate. What’s important is the foundation or fundamental element of that relationship. We may also feel different in different relationships (where the foundation is same), because we too undergo change with time. If I was naive in the past, I might not be naive any more. So my perspective, my personality traits and other factors have changed. This means that I will have different experiences in my relationships as well. The intention should be of making relationship with people who make us happy, who are caring, loving and inspiring; and stay away from the other harmful relationships.

    *** darling “G” I hope you appreciate the emotions – love and kindness shared with you, not compare who loved more and who loved less, and honor the uniqueness of all your healthy relationship ***

    Love is the most powerful source of energy, so people who love are strong and vibrant.

    Hope you find the love inside your heart and hope that makes you strong and vibrant, and share it with others.

    xoxo
    Seema

  58. Hannah G.

    Hey G,

    I just wanted to let you know that you are never alone. What ever you choose to believe in, believe this: you are not alone. Not in this situation, not in the next, not on this planet or in your city/town/street.
    I know this could sound a bit paranoid ;) but my point is that there are always people, spirits, God(s) looking out for you and trying to help you, if you let them. I would like to hear from you again, hear how you are doing now.

    Sometimes, afterwards, you realize that it hurt more to stay than it did to leave. Leaving is hard, and it’s lonely. But what you can regain is your unique you-ness, your Mondayevenings spent laughing about your own jokes in a snuggie with a glass of wine and tons of chocolate, not because you’re alone but because you are getting comfortable with being in love with you radiant self.

    Some days wil be bad, and some days you won’t be able to wipe that ridiculous smile of your beautiful face.

    The world is waiting for you, my dear. Shine.

    Hannah G.

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