A call on 20-somethings.


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My words are not a parachute.

They won’t soften the landing when that moment buckles your knees and breaks you down to the floor. My words, they’re not no cold bucket of water. They won’t extinguish the doubt that blazes heavy, heavy, like a fire catching to all the pretty things you touch. Nothing I write can prepare you for that moment.. maybe you already know the one.

It’s going to hit you at some point. It might meet you randomly. 2am. 4am. When you’re standing in the middle of a crowded campus or alone in your cubicle beside a cactus you keep forgetting to water. No matter where you are, it’ll hit you. And you’ll look up suddenly. And you’ll look around. And you’ll let these words slip out from your lips, “Why am I here?”

Why am I here? And what am I doing? And this? Well, this doesn’t look like anything I thought it would be. Why does my life matter? Why does my life matter? Why does my life matter?

The moment, it’ll feel hollow.

Like all the insides of you have been scraped out. And suddenly the followers won’t matter. And the filters won’t matter. And all the digital things we share and tweet won’t hold much value at all. Something inside of you will be hungry for more.

You might cry. There may be many a’ ugly tears on your horizon. You might clench your fists. You might bite down hard on your bottom lip. You might pour a glass of wine and vow to forget it all by morning. But no matter what you choose to do, beware. That moment is gonna tidal wave you with all sorts of unanswerable questions and there’s only one thing I can promise you when it comes to that moment: you don’t need to have all the answers. They’re never going to arrive in one bundle like the back pages of a SAT prep book. You’ll never get all the answers so you can’t let that be the thing that keeps you from pushing forward into what’s next.

Someone got it into our brains that we needed to have every little thing figured out.

That some fairytale was going to greet us at the gates of adulthood. That life would look just like a movie. It’s simply not true. And if this is what it looks like to have it “all figured out” then we are living in some sort of coloring book where only half the pictures ever got Tickle Me Pink scribbled within their lines. We’ve got loans up to our elbows. We’re messy when we fall in love. We’re still trekking for the dream job or learning how to create it from scratch. We’re doing the best we possibly can within a world that started saying, right after two planes crashed into two towers, that we needed to make the most of this life thing. It was too short. It was too quick. It was unexpected at best. We needed to make the most of it.

We still want to be something really special and that’s not because the newspapers say our generation is the type that needs trophies for everything. We still want to be something really special for the same reasons that anyone, at any age, wants to be something really special: because it’s nice to be noticed every once in a while, even if it’s just by someone who has always taken you as you are. And in a world where it’s nearly impossible to get someone to look you in the eye instead of at the screen, it’s nice to be someone’s kind of Special at the end of a long day.

And we walked into the world and we were loud when we said we wanted to do something. I’d argue that we still do. We want to help people. We want to make some sort of impact. And that goodness inside of us, it never went away. It might have been covered. It might have been dimmed a bit. But if you’re anything like me then you still wake up hoping that this will be the day you will be brave and you’ll do something that matters. That’s all I really want if I am being truthful: To be brave and to do something that truly matters.

But the scary truth in all of it is that nothing in this world– not the magazines, not the networks, not the hyperlinks– will get us there. We have to be the ones to push aside the small talk and just resolve to be present, and connected, and intentional with one another. We have to be the ones to show up to this life if we ever want to do something that matters.

I didn’t want to turn this thing into a list.

Because the answer isn’t sitting in a list on the internet that someone wrote to tell you all the things you should and should not do with this 20-something life. And I know all too well that a list of things you “should” and “should not” do is never going to help you. Not in your 20’s. Not your 30’s. Not your 50’s.

So this isn’t much of a list. Maybe just call it the evidence I’ve gathered so far: I, personally, need to breathe more. Just because I want to have things figured out doesn’t mean I always will, so I really just need to learn to let that one go. Sallie Mae is an awful home wrecker but there is a way to live peacefully with her (after all, I’m the one who decided to stack these loans upon my shoulders). People will always have a lot to say about what you “should” do. Don’t entertain them if their aim is to belittle you. “Should” is a word that should be abolished from the dictionary.

You have to get out there. You have to feel life on your own skin. On your own terms. By your own rules. And maybe that’s the very first thing you need to learn to do– burn the rulebook and screw the boxes that other people want to put you inside of. Your life has nothing to do with tiny, little boxes that help you play smaller than you truly are. The point is to grow, not to shrink. But if you’re any ounce of human then you’ll always try to shrink before you grow.

Adulthood is a real thing but it doesn’t make much noise when it arrives. Heartbreak hurts but it makes you more resilient. Commitment sounds like an old-fashioned word but it will never go out of style. And it will always be a slow thing– a slow, slow thing– no matter how fast the world moves all around us. So commit to things. And get your heart involved. Take that risk, even if it means that something could break along the way.

If you are any bit like me then it doesn’t matter how much older you get, you still want to keep every person you encounter safe in your possession. But no, it doesn’t work that way. And you have to learn how to not be bitter when it comes to letting people go. I have to learn to loosen the grip a bit.

It’s beautiful to be young and innovative in the world today. And I will always fight you if you try to tell me that I am too old for Ringpops and sitting on counter tops while Jason Mraz trickles through the kitchen and the kettle hisses from the stove.

Life slips away quickly and unexpectedly– and time is the one, rare thing we always wish we had more of– so there’s really no time to sit here and write anything further when it turns out that life is actually everything that happens off the screen- unedited, unfiltered, and shared with others. It all comes down to other people. Other people are the lottery tickets of this lifetime that win every single time.

You get choices.

Every single day. You don’t get all the answers. But you will get those choices. Some mammoth and massive. Others tiny and seemingly minute. Each one matters though. Every single choice– every task that does or does not meet the to-do list– will ultimately stack up and answer one big question: whether you standing here– with gifted oxygen in your lungs– actually meant something.

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33 Comments

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33 responses to “A call on 20-somethings.

  1. Reblogged this on Christina L. Rozelle and commented:
    This brought tears to my eyes, and was exactly EXACTLY what I needed to read at just the right time.

  2. Jessica

    Love. That’s all I have to say. Love this. Thank you for writing it. It means so much to me and so many other people.

  3. Exquisite writing, Hannah. So glad to have come across your blog, because each post takes my breath away. xo

  4. Karly

    It is almost uncanny how relevant your words are to me.

    Don’t worry, love. You matter. You matter much.

  5. I saw this in my inbox last night and decided that this needed to be what I needed to read when I got up this morning to start my day. You’re words in each post just flow through the screen to me each time I read them. I came across your blog when I found the post on the list of things every 20-something year old she do and I thought it was witty and entertaining to me in a dark time. If only I knew what I was getting into, that I would have this one blog I would religiously follow and wait with bated breath for, man. It’s the best thing in the world. You help so many like me, to realize there are others out there with the same thoughts and questions. Thank you. You are a miracle worker for so many. This is just the post I needed to read today.

  6. Such a beautiful post and so relevant to so many people out there.

  7. Hello Hannah,
    For a “you don’t have to have everything figured out” person you seem to have a lot of the basics squared away. That you share them here . . . so eloquently MATTERS.
    Mark

  8. Anne

    You inspire people to think bigger, live fuller, and focus on what really matters.

  9. Thank you… I’m in a place where everything in my life is turned upside down. And these were words I needed today. So grateful to read this!

  10. taylornicole01

    Reblogged this on in the little things. and commented:
    good morning sweet friends. or maybe its afternoon. to be truthful I’m not really sure as slow leisurely mornings have just become a part of my lifestyle – blessing and curse :) having a work schedule that functions on the later side means i get morning eggs and toast and lazy days of sleeping in. but it also certainly means that i never and i mean NEVER work out in the morning like i think I’m going to. oops. productivity in some ways these days has not been my strong suit outside of work…. but day by day I’m becoming more okay with it. or i guess today I’m okay with it. but I’m not so sure how ill feel tomorrow :)

    this morning, sipping my coffee and thinking about how i NEED to get ready for work SOON (the being on time resolution has been a bit of a struggle) i flipped through my “blog feed” or whatever it is of blogs i follow and came upon this gem of a post below. i feel like someone slapped me across the face at multiple points of reading it in the best way. love her writing style. love her thoughts. and, ultimately, love that i felt like i needed to scribble down quotes every 5 seconds while reading. i’m not really a re-blogger, or maybe i am who knows, but either way i thought this needed to be shared with each of you this morning :)

    enjoy. and let me know your thoughts. as always. if you wish :) the comment section is down there ——v

  11. This is absolutely incredible. Everything that I needed to hear. Thank you for always writing with such honesty and for making us all feel not so alone in this crazy world. Perfection. xo

  12. So powerful. Such a great reminder that it’s ok not know what the future holds or have everything figured out in your 20s. Even though it’s sometimes hard not to feel that we should.

    Beautiful Words! -“it turns out that life is actually everything that happens off the screen- unedited, unfiltered, and shared with others.”

  13. Jana

    I just love the way you write. and what you have to say. so true…

  14. Pingback: Why Am I Here? | A Shattered Intelligence

  15. Audrey

    This is so timely, as I spent last night drinking wine from the bottle in the shower after receiving yet another rejection letter from my dream city. Hard to not be discouraged when you see your value and good intentions but no one else seems to see it.

  16. I needed this more than you know. Thank you.

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  19. This had to be said and you wrote it so beautifully.

  20. Reblogged this on leveled paths and commented:
    I needed to read this.

  21. Heidi

    Amazing writing Hannah!

  22. Reblogged this on Beauty For Ashes and commented:
    Exactly this!

  23. I needed to read this as well. I’m 20 turning 21 and it has hit me several times since I turned 20.

    You are a good writer. I don’t think I could come up with anything like that.

    I like your layout as well. :P

  24. You get choices.

    Every single day. You don’t get all the answers. But you will get those choices. Some mammoth and massive. Others tiny and seemingly minute. Each one matters though. Every single choice– every task that does or does not meet the to-do list– will ultimately stack up and answer one big question: whether you standing here– with gifted oxygen in your lungs– actually meant something.
    Just had to copy that last point you made. I had to read then re-read since you packed this post with lots of words that start ideas forming in my head. But the last paragraph was the one that hit me the most. For I love being a creature of choice, owning my own life, giving when I believe is what I should do, loving with all my heart, opening myself for others to check out what I believe. Because of my belief some are turned off, some seek what I believe, some reject what I believe and that is their choice. One thing I believe is here on this earth we will have choice, but there is no choice in whether we will die or not, we will die. And because that one has been taken our of our hands, we still get the choice where we will spend eternity and since life is like a vapor here, I choose to believe the Bible and the gospel of Jesus Christ for my ticket to heaven. See what your word drew out of me…goodness, let me say it in case I haven’t already, you are a good writer. Glad I dropped by.

  25. This is beautiful. I’ve been struggling with my identity lately and everything that comes with identity and I needed to hear this. Thank you.

  26. And I will always fight you if you try to tell me that I am too old for Ringpops and sitting on counter tops while Jason Mraz trickles through the kitchen and the kettle hisses from the stove.

  27. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    NO, WE DON’T NEED TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT!!!! :)

  28. Pingback: A Few for Friday | Flourish

  29. all I can say is Thank You!

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