I am always the first to call someone out: “Stop being such a Negative Nancy!” “Well, I didn’t know Debbie Downer would be joining us today.”
You can call me sunshine and cupcakes any other day, but today just call me a liar. A fraud. A girl with a horrible poker face.
So my girls Debbie and Nancy asked that I write this to you, to be honest with you and to let you know that they have NO interest in being my friends. I am not a new found pessimist, I just have a case of the winter blues.
I find myself day dreaming about the sandy shores of California in my spare time and searching for any drop of melatonin I can get. The dreariness of New England weather has challenged me to a fighting match and guess what: It’s hurled me into the corner of the ring. New England has a killer right hook people, there are times when it can make any inhabitant long for their bed and cup of tea more than anything in the world. And as I sink into the corner of the ring, I want to give up and just let the New England weather have the victory.
I don’t feel like putting on 30 layers. I wish I could skip all my obligations to retreat to sofa where I could then catch up on the past three weeks of The Biggest Loser that I have so rudely missed. And for anyone who has crossed me in the past few days and wondered if I am off, well, it’s because I am. I don’t feel like talking about. I know nothing is wrong. I just would opt for sunshine before snowfall.
I spent the majority of last year being completely unhappy that when happiness graced me with its presence this year I became obsessed like a little child who puts a dollar in a piggy bank, constantly checking to make sure it was always there. When this week of dreary and bitter cold weather came to play I was thrown for a loop. I started to panic thinking, this is it, this is my happiness being washed away like the frozen wiper fluid on my windshield. This is my happiness getting scuffed up and ruined like that once white snow on the sidewalk.
But you know what? It is totally OK. You hear me Hannah? (Yes, I am talking to myself). It is fine to not be feeling on top of your A-game right now. It is perfectly acceptable to be feeling a little lonely as Valentine’s Day approaches. We are human beings. We are not programmed to be perfect or to to handle every shift in climate with grace and poise.
Just because I am not feeling ready to tackle every task on my to-do list today does not mean that there is something wrong with me or that someone has broken into my heart and stolen my happiness (unlike my Ipod that was stolen last week, woof). It is just a little rift, a bout of loneliness, a feeling of homesickness; all mixed into one. More importantly, it is a chance for me to say, “you know what, you go make yourself a cup of tea and you put on your big wool socks. You bundle up in your favorite blanket and you sleep in. Catch up on your blogs, catch up on your TV shows, email your friends back. Take care of yourself.”
Winter is not over yet. That darned ground hog saw his shadow once again. Big Surprise. But perhaps that little weasel is teaching me a valuable lesson: I cannot be like him, and curl up in a hole for the next six weeks. I will allow myself a few days of sitting back and “hibernating” if you will. I don’t always have to feel like a million bucks. But I will be back soon, ready to go, with a left hook that will surely throw the New England weather right out of the ring.