Falling in Love: When did it become more complicated than calculus?


He knew the moment he met her that he would marry her.

She was younger than him and didn’t even know he existed. But he loved her from the beginning. One day he brought her a dozen yellow roses, anxious to hand them to her. She looked at them for a second, said thank you, threw the roses on a nearby picnic table and ran off to play with her friends.

My mother’s Uncle Jimmy often recalls this story of his love for his late wife. Although she ignored him at the start they eventually fell in love and lived a long and happy life together. I love this story, like many, of simple attraction and the essence of true love revealed.

As of late, I question this kind of love. I believe in it. I think romantic cliches are still attainable, but falling in love seems more like a science these days rather than a puzzle piece to human nature.

My roommate’s parents took her and I out to dinner last night and most of the conversation was on the idea of meeting nice guys, where do you find them? How do you find someone that you are compatible with? Is it necessary to “train” a person in a relationship?

Our society has taken the idea of falling in love and have turned it into something more difficult than that calculus class I failed in high school. There are books on how to make anyone fall in love with you, television shows on how to be the girl that any guy dreams of dating, websites to help you meet the love of your life. There is compatibility, which makes it sound like a test. There is chemistry, which I am told cannot last forever. There is connections, which apparently is the good stuff. There are rules, regulations, do’s, don’ts, top ten lists and guidelines. Falling in love seems less recognizable as a beautiful happening in life and more like an obstacle course that just keeps getting harder to complete.

Well I still believe in simple love. I am still holding out for fate. I will continue to watch Serendipity and smile, saying “one day something like this will come my way.” Maybe we won’t bump into each other in a coffee shop in Manhattan or squabble over a pair of gloves in Macy’s but I think that my perfect sequence of events is waiting to unravel. Who knows, perhaps they already have.

Falling in love is not meant to be so complicated and cluttered by our emotions and our sciences. Take away the “in love” part and you are left with just “falling.” And do we ever really intend to fall in the first place? Falling is something that we don’t really ever see coming, so lets reattach the “in love” but keep it simple just the same. Don’t think, just fall. Don’t evaluate, read up on the latest data, make a pro and con list, scrutinize, judge, ask for third and fourth opinions. Just Fall.

I continue to hold onto good love stories, like that of my Uncle Jimmy. And whenever falling in love seems impossible or is chalked up to something that I feel I may fail at, I look back on them. I believe that falling in love is as simple as a dozen yellow roses. A smile from across the room. A brief encounter that changes the way you look at life forever. Maybe, just maybe, it is meant to stay as simple as that.

26 thoughts on “Falling in Love: When did it become more complicated than calculus?

  1. This is a post that hits right at home – right at my heart.

    I spent so much of my life waiting for the magic of falling in love to become a part of my life. I wanted a real love, a true love, a love that knocks me on my ass and makes me wonder where it came from. I didn’t want tests, or quizzes, or questions – I wanted the magic to touch my life like it did in the movies; so seamless and smooth that it would seem like an accident, but I would know it was fate. And wouldn’t you know it, it happened.

    I signed up for eHarmony as a complete joke almost 4 summers ago because I was bored, unemployed, and a total nerd for “personality tests” and why not, it wasn’t like I was going to try and meet anybody – that’s somebody else’s bag, not mine. So not mine.

    But wouldn’t you know it – that’s when the magic touched my life. My trip onto eHarmony was my “squabble over a pair gloves.” And when I sit and tell my eHarmony joke turned love that took me across the world, there is no doubt in anybody’s mind that this is a true love.

    [It’s a good story – maybe I’ll tell it sometime 😉 ]

    In so many ways it was simple. It was two people talking and becoming friends, and finding that somehow, magically, simply it turned into more – so much more. And in so many other ways it wasn’t simple – when two lives collide, no matter how much you love the collision, it’s never really simple.

    But a good fall hardly ever is 😉

    Best of luck to you as always. I never gave up hope on finding a true and simple love, and neither should you – it will more than pay off.

    Always,
    Carolina

    1. Carolina.

      That is remarkable. I would love to hear the story at some point, it sounds like a very good one. Thank you for sharing.. I know mine is coming soon, and if not then I will hold onto believe that there is always a reason for waiting.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  2. i think that all of this match.com and eharmony crap just send out a message that you NEED to have someone in your life and you can make it work with whoever you get matched up with. i don’t believe in that. i believe in letting things happen naturally. my love story is a bit unconventional. before we had even gone on our first date, my boyfriend and i had moved in together. i had up and left iowa and moved to california to be with a man i only really met once and knew over the phone. i’ve never done something so crazy, but i’ve never done something so right either!
    those love stories people tell you don’t always come true the way you want them to, but screw ’em! write your own love story!

  3. however, i should mention that i have used match.com before and although i met some great guys on there, it just wasn’t the right way for me to go about doing things.

    1. Ha I get ya. I would like to believe that compatibility will be offered on its own, rather than through a 40 page quiz. I always wonder what you will actually learn about the person through conversation that you could not already read from the compatibility test that put you two together. I like a little mystery.

      But dating sites are a great jumping point for some, we are all different.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  4. I used to be a hopeless romantic whose expectations were based on bitter reality. I believed in lust at first sight vs love.

    I still don’t think there’s such a thing as love at first sight but I believe that deep down, we just know…it’s just a matter of how long it takes for us to feel it and accept it.

    I met my boyfriend on OKCupid…not expecting anything out of it but from the first email to the first text message to the first moment I saw him, magic happened. Love at first sight? Nah…but we definitely knew it was something special.

    Yesterday marked our 5-month. We are moving in together in June and the way we fell in love makes me believe in true love.

    You just have to be ready for it and as cliche as it sounds, stop looking for it. It’ll find you if your heart is open.

  5. Exactly like you said, throw all that crap out the window. Forget the lists, opinions, books, tests, blah blah blah. Real love like your uncles is still out there. It just happens. When you least expect it. And when you are least planning for it. It is simple.

    I met my husband when he delivered some furniture I bought. Some stuff was back ordered and forgotten so it turned into quite a head ache. I didn’t care for him (mainly because of the situation, I killed the messenger LoL) but he was interested and requested to deliver every piece. And every time he came over he found some way to make conversation, offer to assemble my tables, or change the batteries in my smoke detector that kept going off. It annoyed me most the time and I just wanted him to deliver and leave. He asked me to go to dinner with him and I agreed only because I felt bad. In that dinner, I feel head over heels in love and married him 9 months later. Yes, 9 months.

    And ps- yes, I def recommed big sexy hair. I use the shampoo conditioner gel and hair spray. I’m not sure if the magic is in the combination or just one product, but I use the whole set. Good luck!

    1. That is such a good story! It reminds me a lot of how my mom and dad met, very similar to yours. My mom was not interested at all but my dad was persistent. How cute, I better start being nicer to those who knock at my door ha ha.

      And thanks for the suggestion, I will definitely be trying out the Big Sexy Hair.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  6. This is exactly how I feel. At times I want to make it into the complicated mess it seems to be because that’s what everything around me tells me to…dating sites, movies, lists, books, etc. But…then I remember that almost every relationship (romantic or otherwise) I’ve had began…simply. Saying hello, grabbing the same book, getting lost on my campus, a friend introducing us. No matter how we approach it, finding love and falling in love is something none of us can ever expect or plan–and who am I to try and alter that? I know that eventually, it will happen. And until then, I’m going to enjoy it and let things happen as they may.

  7. Wonderfully said! After I’d had a couple of quite bad relationships, I decided to set higher standards for myself, as a sort of self protection mechanism, but where I am now, and being able to look back, I firmly believe that things are meant to happen for a reason. I had to go through the bad ones because it taught me a lot about myself – so much growth came about as a result of pain, and as soon as I’d learned that, a figure from my past showed up again. We’d met years ago, and I had a crush on him instantly. We dated for a month and then parted ways, no contact for years and years. And now he’s back, and we’re getting married in a few months. I strongly believe the person you’re meant to be with will show up in your life – when the time is right, for both of you. Maybe there are things we need to experience before we can allow them into our lives. And I strongly believe there’s a very good reason for that. Bugger compatibility tests and online profiles, textbooks and magazine articles. When it’s meant to happen, it most certainly will 🙂

  8. I haven’t found my love story yet..

    But what you wrote about is very true..People analyze it too much these days to just let it happen.

    Funny cause I was just doing that a moment ago..with the whole, should I be with him or not? Can I see a future..etc.

    Thanks for the eye opener 😉

  9. I’m with you- simple love is where it’s at. I think that part of the problem is that people have these preconceived ideas about how their lives are going to go, and they sometimes become so invested in those invented narratives that they pass over good people in order to stay “on message”.

    I love that my narrative isn’t so narrow, that when I met Mister & I was convinced I would never get married, I wasn’t too stuck on that idea that I passed him over. And I’m thankful that when he met me and was planning on moving to the US permanently, he wasn’t so stuck on that that he left before giving us a chance =)

    Life would be so boring if it was all planned out, don’t you think?

    1. Agreed Kyla, I think that we can come up with this picture perfect narrative in our head and it only takes one happening to side sweep our expectations and send us in another direction. But that is the beauty of life, the ambiguity and the possibility.

      Thanks for the input love. It is always great to have.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  10. “Don’t think, just fall. Don’t evaluate, read up on the latest data, make a pro and con list, scrutinize, judge, ask for third and fourth opinions. Just Fall.”

    I have a friend who fell in love, married and divorced. She once wrote : “Don’t fall in love, climb in love.”
    I think that we have to listen to our gut feelings but we shouldn’t forget to listen to our heads. If we see red flags or something is off, we know not to give our hearts so although I think we should keep it simple and not read up on the latest data, we should definitely evaluate. If we don’t watch out for these things, we’ll fall…and what happens when we fall? We get hurt.

  11. I *totally* agree with you!!! I love love love looooooove this post, my dear! I don’t that falling in love is something we can plan, prevent, make happen…I think the harder you try the more the real thing evades you. Something I wish I would’ve told my younger self is to just live, enjoy and let my life unravel as it would, without worrying about tomorrow because, really, what’s the fun in knowing before hand, anyway? And who knows better than Fate? Seriously. 😀

  12. How funny that you would mention the smile across the room – that is exactly how I fell in love with my husband. I was in a room full of people and I needed help. He was the one who noticed me and smiled at me, so I decided to walk over to him and ask for help. I walked past dozens of other men and went straight to him. It was a simple, fast decision that would change the rest of my life.

  13. Enjoyed your post. Something to think about. In the days of simple love stories people were trained to love, sacrifice, give when it hurts and work things out no matter how much it hurt. Today all of these virtues are mocked and very few are trained in the character to love. It is simple. Build your character and fall for a man who has character and you will find simple strong love. Chris

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