If my heart be a DVD then I need bonus features. If my heart be an album then I need unreleased tracks. If my heart be a dessert then….


If anyone asks: I am currently in the process of coaxing my heart away from turning into an Oreo Cookie.

You can laugh now… I have even provided you with space to do so right here: __________________________. But I am pretty serious about this one.

Lately I adore making sense out of life by use of food metaphors. I find that I am easily addicted to turning life’s sours into lemonade and talking consistently about “cake” in my life that I want to have and eat too. There is just something about food that lends itself as a dynamic duo of universality and durability when it comes to talking about the hard lessons we need to learn. Plus, it is not so serious. While it is hard to laugh about the state of my heart, it is easy to laugh about Oreo Cookies.

This “Oreo Cookie” heart of mine hatched from a conversation with a friend of mine. We ALL have this kind of friend: the one who says it just as it is. No chocolate frosting to sweeten these answers.

I was mid-mini crisis and so I called him to meet up. I can always count on him to carry Resolve, Wisdom and Directness in one hand, and a Latte in the other.

Ok, Hannah.” He says, looking more tired than usual. “Tell me the story…. the story that existed before you told the 11 other people before me.”

His comment caught me off guard. I would admit feeling stung, except the look on my friend’s face seemed more hurt than the whole of my feelings at the time.

I don’t blame him for not jumping out of his seat to give me good advice. He knew he was probably the seventh pair of ears to hear the story. A story meant appropriately for only one or two.

And here, my friends, is when I came to compare my heart to an Oreo Cookie. Although I am a sucker for the creamy insides, there is no denying that Oreo Cookies are a fairly easy cookie to get a hold of.

It takes little next to nothing to locate an Oreo. We don’t think much of it really.

It takes little next to nothing for someone to get inside of my heart. And Take A Giant Bite. And with all the easy access, what stops someone from taking advantage of it, without a second thought?

It begins with, “O.k, now you are the only one I want to tell about this…” and, before long, the one person expands into seven.

Before long our numbers are multiplying faster than a Duggar and Gosselin family playdate. By the end of the week half of our “social network” now knows that our heart was in need of a band-aid on Monday.

I think at times we need to be choosy with our hearts and who we allow to come into them to explore the insides. For Our Own Good. Some Doors Should Be Left Locked. Some Places Should Only Have One Key. Others need an alarm system. There is a grave difference between vulnerability and carelessness. There is a bold line between wearing a heart on a sleeve and carrying around a staple gun to fasten our hearts to the sleeves of others. We can give away pieces.. but we should also be taking inventory.

I need to give my heart a stern “talking to” before it gets me into trouble. Trouble deeper than the milk that I dip the cookie into (O.K, no more food metaphors. Or just one more?) Someone is bound to come and misuse it if they realize they can grasp it so effortlessly. It is a sad, sad day but I am realizing that not everyone who asks for storytime is really trying to be my best friend.

If my heart be DVD then I need bonus features.

If my heart be an album then I need unreleased tracks.

If my heart be a dessert then I am deciding upon a cupcake from Billy’s Bakery.

Allow me to indulge your senses: Billy’s Bakery, in New York City, carries a staple cupcake that will make any mouth, at any age, absolutely drool. It holds a certain satisfaction within the frosting that only Billy’s can offer. The best part: You cannot retrieve this Heavenly cupcake from just any corner or bakery. But when you have it, oh, you are happy. Oh, elation sits by your side.

That should be my heart! Rare & Beautiful. Treasured & Savored. That should be my heart!

Our hearts are truly rare and delectable desserts, shouldn’t we treat them as such?

After all, who is really going to fight for a heart when the line is 20 long and everyone gets in? Who is really going to find it an honor to sit in secrets and stories if they know they are one of 40 who can read that heart out loud. I don’t long for too much exclusivity or top notch security, but I want whoever steps inside and gets to know the real me to not see a sight comparable to traffic court on a Monday morning.

I want someone to come to me, when tears stain my cheeks and my spirits are tranquilized, and although they will listen, I will be able to grant them a better promise. The promise, that they are not the eleventh person to respond to the crisis. Rather, they are the first.

Any other fellow or recovering heart sleeve sewers out there?

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22 thoughts on “If my heart be a DVD then I need bonus features. If my heart be an album then I need unreleased tracks. If my heart be a dessert then….

  1. This post made me think a LOT. I am, as you well know, a “heart on sleeve” type person – but your words about the staple gun stopped me dead in my tracks, wondering if it’s such a good idea after all. I fully allow people into my heart and yes, it has caused me much upset in the past – but it’s also allowed me to figure out the people who are meant to be in my life. Those who ran, judged, or otherwise hurt me after being given access to my heart would probably still be in my life had they not had access. And though I risk these things by opening myself up so fully I also believe that those true gems of people, the ones who know my heart inside and out and still choose to stay, are even more valuable. It’s a tough thing to decide upon, the access levels of a heart.

    And “Oreo Cookie Heart” NEEDS to be a song one day 🙂

    1. That would be a hilarious tune ha ha. And I am basically reading your comment and nodding in agreement with every thing you have said. It is a tricky thing, finding the balance between vulnerability and makeshift walls.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  2. Loved the food metaphors – keep them coming 🙂

    You touched on a very sensitive subject for me. I used to be the “heart on my sleeve” person. After all, when you don’t have any REAL problems, it’s very easy to be open and let people in all the time.

    Now, I am much more careful with who I talk to about certain things and who I will keep at the door… or let’s say, in the hallway…
    I asked two people into the “living room” lately that proved very quickly that they didn’t deserve to be there. And I kept wondering “why didn’t I know this beforehand? Why did I trust them with my heart?”

    I believe for the real stuff that life throws at you, there are only a handful of people that deserve to know the full scoop of things.

    1. I like your own use of imagery here– the living room. Very good.

      And I try not to beat myself up over letting people into my heart and then being disappointed. It has not been that big of an issue in the past but I know that at one point I let them in for a reason. At one point I wanted it.

      And you are so right, that handful is key..

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  3. serious food (ha, ha, ha) for thought tonight. you make such a good point about exclusivity of emotional connections. i’ve always had a problem with this too. maybe it’s something i should reconsider…

  4. I absolutely LOVE the idea of the heart as a desert. 🙂 How precious. Those cupcakes look wonderful….

    Also, I am very glad you liked the dyscalculia post. Although I don’t think that everyone who is bad at math has a learning disability, I do think that there are some people whose brains are just wired in a different way. Although it wouldn’t be impossible for them (us!) to grasp math, it’s just 10x harder than the average person.

    1. Oh they are wonderful!

      And thank you for posting that post, I cannot say for certain that I may have dyscalculia but that post washed up memories of me sitting at the kitchen table crying over my math homework. I even had a tutor but things never seemed to get easier.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  5. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah!

    Just like Emily Jane, your line “There is a bold line between wearing a heart on a sleeve and carrying around a staple gun to fasten our hearts to the sleeves of others.” stopped me. It literally stopped me and I reread it about 5 more times.

    I used to think that I was a heart of sleeve person – and in a way I am – I fall in love every day, and have my heart broken just as many times a day. And maybe people “know” how I’m feeling by my mood or my demeanor, but very few people hear what I’m feeling from my own lips. It is, in fact, one of the things I’m trying to find a balance to. While you feel like your heart is sometimes an Oreo, sometimes I feel like mine is like saffron – takes way too much effort to get, and how many things are you going to make with it? (I tried the food metaphor – did it work? haha) So we’re on opposite sides of the teeter totter, but I understand wanting the balance…I so do.

    Here’s to your heart! 🙂

    All my best always,
    Carolina

    1. Oh, Carolina I adore you! Your comments seriously make this whole page light up. I cannot get enough of them.

      I like your usage of food metaphor as well.. And who said we could not play with our food?!? Ok, officially corniest joke everr but who cares.

      Hope all is well!

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  6. I love your blog!!! Your words are so intoxicating! It’s like reading bliss. Your magic is not in your words, your arguments, or your logic; It’s in your feeling. You know I could barely tell you half of what I just read… but I can tell you ever bit of what I felt. Entranced. Alive. Refreshed. Oh, it’s wonderful. Your feelings just pour onto the page and they lie restlessly, and quite magically, somewhere between the vivid imagery and metaphors.

    “There is a grave difference between vulnerability and carelessness. There is a bold line between wearing a heart on a sleeve and carrying around a staple gun to fasten our hearts to the sleeves of others. We can give away pieces.. but we should also be taking inventory.”

    Write a romance novel, please. I need a catharsis. I need to cry it all out.

    I am, indeed a heart sleeve sewer. But you know, given my habits, I think I’m somewhat of a special case. See, I have this thing called Bipolar II disorder (already, I’m stapling my heart on to you by disclosing this). I can go weeks at a time, covered in frowny faces, never talking to anyone save a select few whose sleeve I can cry on and wipe my snot all over. Then, maybe a few weeks or months after that, I’m bursting with energy, and giving hugs and rainbows to everyone I meet as I walk down the street. So you see, I am a complete and total sap, 8 days a week, I just change up my style every now and then. Heart sleeve sewer–that’s my middle name.

    What kind of food would that make me ? Ha seems like a stretch…

    1. Hey Jon:

      If you want to see a real food debate then you should check out this post ha ha (one of my favorites). http://hannahkaty.com/2010/07/21/i-am-he-as-you-are-he-as-you-are-me-and-we-are-all-together-the-beatles-the-homeless-and-the-golden-rule/

      Seriously, you flatter me on an unbelievable level.. Could I have you write a review for the blog or something because I am absolutely gushing over your kind words. Thank you seems like a very small word when I place it next to all the nice things you just posted above me.

      And please don’t ever feel that you are stapling your heart over here.. that is what the blog is about more than anything. Speaking your mind and sharing your own words. I love that aspect more than anything. I cannot place myself in your shoes but I am big fan of “total and complete saps” especially 8 days a week ha ha.

      And a romance novel? I don’t know that I would be so good with that?? I have a few hopes for books up my sleeve though…

  7. Hannah, I do not mean to diminish all the lovely philosophical questions you have posted with my comment. But. Please. Make a visit to Little Red Hen bakery. 84ish and 2nd Ave. It much more than Billies, or Magnolia’s, or Crumbs…

    1. Diminish? Psh, I am so happy that you posted this suggestion! I will have to keep Little Red Hen in mind for sure! Hey, if it blows Billy’s away then I will not be upset- who doesn’t love an even better desert, right?

      Hope all is well.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  8. You know, it’s so easy to share too much of ourselves… I know in my case, I usually want feedback from a variety of people. Then, if we’re being perfectly honest, I take the response that makes me feel the best about myself, and I disregard the others. Ugh. Thanks for this much needed reminder.

    I loved your staple gun example.

    Also, “If my heart be an album, then I need unreleased tracks…” Love that.

    1. Abbie:

      Happy to supply you with a few good lines.. I laughed to myself when I wrote the staple gun line. Funny image but very true.

      And you are not alone on taking the good and leaving the bad… I also love a good “easy route” even though I rarely take one.

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  9. I am so, so, so different in this area. I am not the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and you know every emotion across my face. Most people in my life don’t know my life story or really anything I’m going through. Heck, I didn’t even tell most people about my mom’s accident! I think this mainly stems from a poor self-image and the fact that I’m so quiet that I don’t feel the need to share minute details of my life.

    For me, I need to begin OPENING my heart more and letting people get glimpses of what makes my heart beat, instead of keeping it locked away with no clue to how I’m feeling.

    1. Hey Steph:

      I think you do a very good job of opening your heart on the blog.. I think it is quite evident that it often sits upon that page. And might I add: it is beautiful!

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  10. sorry to be the bitch on this one, but…. desert = Sahara. food = desSert. (an extra “s” cause you always want more).

    other than that i like the post. metaphors are always an excellent idea, whether food related or otherwise. i hope you’re SO EXCITED to rock the city/the u.n.

    1. oh my goodness, cannot believe I botched that up so bad. Thank you for letting me know! Ha ha, my brain is fried these days… I am lucky to even be able to string together sentences at this rate.

      And thank you, I am wicked excited… I leave for Philly tomorrow!!

      Best,

      Hannah Katy

  11. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve. The majority of the time, I’m convinced that’s where mine lies, but then there’s this small fraction of me that doesn’t. I leave it all out there, but then I keep saying “nobody knows the real me” like there’s still more even after it’s all laid out there. The good thing about being an Oreo? The good stuff’s inside. If you love an Oreo, you have to be all in and love the outside before you’re allowed to see the inside. That’s how it should be.

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