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Yes, yes, I am a Broken Hearted Young Lady but don’t come near me with a hammer & nails.


via weheartit.com

I am legitimately the easiest girl in the world to date. No, but seriously. Any guy would be lucky to date me.

Before I start sounding like the prototype of some half-dressed tween on the cover of Bop! Magazine let me explain.

A guy could sleep soundly at night knowing that he can never and will never break my heart, that my heart was been broken so many times before. By a Slew of Sad Commercials and Painful Truths Littered on the Fronts of Newspapers. Black & White & Tragedy all over them.

If I want anyone to know anything about me, it is this: My heart is broken. Very Broken. Quite Shattered.

And before I write further with this blog I think it is important to put this out in the open. I bathe my words in tones of optimism and joy, and I believe fully in all that I write. But at the core of it all, I am broken hearted and that is the sole reason for my writing to you all.

Yes, yes, I am a Broken Hearted Young Lady but don’t come near me with a hammer & nails. I could not stand it any other way.

It sounds strange but I have always had other people’s heartbreak pinned to my own heart. As far back as I can remember I have been writing the tales of other people’s tattered souls.

My family members would sit perplexed by stories that I wrote as a nine-year-old about tragedy and death, poverty of the spirit, cancer and separation from loved ones. Here I was, 4’6 and probably 60 pounds or so, click clicking away on my typewriter, pouring my heart, the same heart that beat for Aaron Carter and the Backstreet Boys, into the tragedies of the victims of suicide and Holocaust survivors.

I am surprised I was not in therapy for writing with a constant tone of morbidity at such a young age. I cannot explain it. I don’t think I ever will be able to. I just have found better ways of coping with it.

I take stock in the truth that just because a heart is broken does not mean that it is incomplete.

bro·ken (brkn) v.Past participle of break. adj.

  1. Forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured; cracked: a broken arm; broken glass.

I have written about broken hearts before, about how I think that people spend too much deeming what should and should not be broken. At what time. For how long. By who.

We spend too much time thinking that heartbreak does not have a place in this lifetime. That heartbreak should not fit into the equation. That, if one is heartbroken, they surely need to be fixed. Call the love doctor and stitch this baby back together.

To imagine a world that lacks any fractured hearts is unrealistic. I could spin this sentence into so many eloquent sentiments but I think it is better in its simplest form. It is unrealistic to think that when our own hearts our fixed, the hearts of neighbors won’t be broken next.

I feel bad for God in that sense. I imagine that up in his Big Armchair there is a soundtrack playing of the ripping and tearing all over the world. There is just no time to listen to Justin Bieber when your ears are in charge of taking in the symphony of shattered hearts from every space of green on this Grand Earth.

Perhaps a board exists that allows Him to keep track. A light up board. Oh, another heart just shattered in India. Yikes, seven hearts crumbled on the East Coast. Woah, 38,000 hearts in pieces before my morning scone?

Tough job. He should probably pass some of the work onto Santa. Santa could at least carry some super glue for the cracked messes in our chests within his sack of toys.

But I also bet God knows a thing or two about those hearts. The Purpose They Serve. The Good They Do. The Change They Erupt.

If our hearts were never broken over the cries for literacy then no pencils would come to be. If our hearts were never broken over the longing for clean water then no wells would be dug. If our hearts were never broken over the cries of our loved ones, then no hugs would be hugged. No Kisses Kissed. No Secrets Shared. No Promises Made.

I have found great comfort in a quotation by Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision: “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” Stearns wrote this message upon a piece of loose leaf after witnessing the suffering in South Korea in 1950.

I don’t believe that I will reach a point in my lifetime where this ticker of mine is unbroken. It is not going to happen, I know enough of that already.

Better to make use of it, and rearrange the fractured shard to make new pictures. New. Bright. Arranged. Pictures. Be it listening to a story. Sending a love letter. Donating My Time. My Energy. My Life. To Others.

Trust me, it isn’t a resume builder nor a good icebreaker to a conversation. “Hi, my name is Hannah. My heart is severely fractured by the injustices of this world, want to grab some coffee?

But if anyone inquires about the humility of a broken heart, I think it is quite worth it at the end of each day. To extend one’s own heart and allow it to be ruined completely, in hope that through the wreckage, someone else’s heart will dance today.

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26 thoughts on “Yes, yes, I am a Broken Hearted Young Lady but don’t come near me with a hammer & nails.

  1. I think anyone who LOVES—whole-heartedly, honestly, thoroughly—walks around daily with at least a fractured heart. How could you not? My niece—she’s only 4 months old, and she breaks my heart a little bit each time I see her. Because it actually *hurts* to love someone as much as I love her.

    Beautiful post, as always, Hannah. 🙂

  2. The idea that God has a light board is encouraging, at least knowing that maybe someone out there is going to do something small for us on that day to make us see that all is not lost. That it’s fixable some day down the road. I really love that quote you posted, because if you let yourself care about the important things, then you are going to have a broken heart, but it’s for a good cause. Love the post.

  3. I like the way you see this, Hannah.

    In all honestly, aren’t broken hearts much more “flexible” than hearts that haven’t been previously broken? We only learn and grow through having our hearts broken… and as “the-other-Hannah” said so eloquently up there:
    Not just losing someone can break your heart, but also the act of loving someone so much that it ‘hurts’.

  4. Oh my gosh this is just wonderful. If you said to me, “Hi, my name is Hannah. My heart is severely fractured by the injustices of this world, want to grab some coffee?” my answer would be an almighty yes. I was just thinking along these lines as I was walking home the other day. Anyone will tell you that I have huge difficulty “belonging” to something unless I am behind it 100%. This is the biggest reason I am not converting to Catholicism when I get married, but that’s a story for another day. But I asked myself, how can I be happy belonging to this world, when it continually does things that break my heart? The stories in the news, the lack of respect, the animal cruelty, and the people who live in poverty. I suppose my heart is a little shattered too and I have such difficulty in being a part of this world sometimes. But you’re right, broken hearts do have a place in this world. If it weren’t for them, there’d be no reason to change anything for the better.

    Once again it is an honour to call you a friend 🙂

  5. I loved all of this, but I loved two specific parts 200 percent more than the other parts I loved. First: the idea that just because a heart is broken, it doesn’t mean it’s incomplete. When we claim our hearts are broken, no one’s ever said “And one piece is missing.” Nope–that’s not included. We have the ability to use the pieces of our broken hearts to complete love in other places (which I’ve gathered from much of your post). and the second part I really enjoyed was the bit about God with a light up board…1 here–7 there…I thought that was cute and added a great visual to this greater picture.

    Random: Just a thought what if he had a light up board for everything up there. Maybe that’s why people describe Heaven as so freaking bright–there’s all these little lights going off every time a baby is born or someone dies, or a heart breaks. What if God changed up the bulbs around Christmas time with green and red–People who swear they saw Heaven then would be like “OH MY GOSH…they really know how to celebrate big J’s bday up there!”

    I hope that whatever force is up there has a light up board that says “

  6. mom says:

    loved the scoreboard in heaven scene. psalm 34 states god is near to the broken hearted … there is an old song by gene pitney that states only love can break your heart only love can mend it again. if i could put a big satiny blanket around your heart to keep it from being so banged around i would all my love

  7. You are such a wise woman, Hannah. I feel like I am repeating myself but I am loving pretty much every post you write.
    What a refreshing way of looking at being broken-hearted.

  8. this is by far your best entry. I think you’re at your best when you talk about your own identity and experiences, you make your message so personal. And thank you for pouncing on Justin Bieber.

    I am broken too. It was long ago… and I also don’t believe it will ever be unbroken.

    friendly note: you have a typo in this one… ctrl+F: fixed, it’s the word to the left, “our”

    *hug*

  9. I love love love this Hannah. If I were in NYC right now, I would grab a cup of coffee with you. I would rather have a broken heart than one that is unbroken. Have you heard the Carrie Underwood song Change? Its my favorite song on her album and when I played it this morning I thought of you. She sings…
    “And the world’s so big it can break your heart
    And you just wanna help
    Not sure where to start
    So you close your eyes
    And send up a prayer into the dark…”

    Give it a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69s8DN3v6fA

    xoxo

  10. Wonderful, Miss Hannah Katy!

    My heart used to be broken, but in time I acquired a salutary stoicism. At the same time, however, my sense of justice has never been clearer, so I suppose I approach the world in a different way. At least this way I can comfort others when their hearts fail.

    Since I notice an above commenter left you an encouraging song, I recommend “God Only Knows”, the theme to the anime The World God Only Knows. It’s surprisingly soothing.

  11. theodorahermes says:

    WOW, Hannah. I could have written this post myself. We really do have a lot in common. I never thought of it that way before, but you are right. My heart has already been broken–by the injustices of the world, the sadness of this life and the sufferings of others. Romantic relationships can be hard, but I’ve been broken before, in different, perhaps even more significant ways. Your thoughts are very interesting and insightful–as always.

  12. Aunt Doreen says:

    I remember all the stories you wrote in all your childhood wisdom…words and emotions well beyond your years. And I still have them. And it took your article to make me understand what I feel when I watch or read news. Now, instead of being sad and disgusted, I will think of it as a broken heart and that it is only because we care.

  13. It is amazing how I came across this site at a time when my heart was broken by someone whom I was very close to & lied on by someone that I thought was more mature and actually cared about me. On top of the broken heart, I had to fight through the difficulty of forgiving both people. God is close to those who are hurting & broken. In Him is where I find comfort while trusting that something good will come from all of this. Your post IS that cup of coffee. 😉 Very refreshing!

  14. Pingback: Ruined, Wrecked, Undone: A Tribute to 2013 | Beyond Waiting

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