I had every intention in the world to publish a different blog post today.
It was typed. It was edited. It was going to be another one of the kind that socks you in the ribs and makes you search the skies for spare oxygen. Because that’s just the kind of poetry that sits in my bones most days.
But I have to be honest & truthful that I’ve been in a funk lately.
I’ve been a little sad. I’ve been questioning a lot of things. And I’ve just wanted to come onto this page and say, “It’s so dang hard to move forwards sometimes when you don’t know what you’re supposed to do next.” That’s the truth in following God’s Dream. You might never know where the next step is but He promises to make it worth it. & it always, always is.
Justin + Mary Marantz, two new friends of mine, contacted me two weeks ago, right before I headed off to St. Louis for a speaking engagement and asked if they could capture my story to share with their audience at WPPI in Las Vegas. I obliged.
I am a fan of their work. I am willing to share in an Always sort of way.
But truthfully, there is always this worry when someone else handles your story. When they take the inner workings of your heart into their own hands and they attempt to capture you. They have the potential to portray you right or wrong to the whole wide world. I was praying for right this time.
The video came out today. I held my breath and clicked “Play.” And slowly, slowly, the tears began streaming down my face. In the middle of a Starbucks, with a mug stained with red lips between my hands, I let the tears from the last few weeks, piled thick upon me, come and drizzle down my skin.
There are words living on my inside. I know there are. They are the words that will push me to write this memoir. They are the words that were there to start this story and they will be there to finish it out. I have to stop doubting them. I have to stop belittling my story… It is one for telling. This video has made me certain, so certain of that.
A good, good artist will capture you just as you are. They will get you in a way that makes you realize that you never truly knew how you wanted people to know your story until you became their muse. That’s how this video feels to me. Like I am speechless. Like I am overcome with gratitude. Like I wish people wouldn’t dig through Google to find and read my story… but that they would simply watch this.
Thank you Justin + Mary. You captured me. You really did.