You can still go back to yourself.


large-3

 

I started Monday with writing.

I try my hardest to not open my inbox until 11 in the morning. On the days where I am disciplined in this area, I always feel my most productive. I feel alive and at ease with the skin I am in.

I sat down in front of my desktop by 8:30am and already 3,000 words have come out of me. I pace the floors. I reheat my cup of black coffee for the sixth time. I feel more like myself than I have felt in ages.

I wasn’t planning to write anything today in this space but I find that my little writing corner on the internet gets quiet when I get away from the creation process and spiral into trying to be perfect. It’s a tiring game with no winner. I struggle with looking at the lives of other people who seem to have it all together and wishing I could be more like them. I make a fatal error when I get so invested in the filtered lives of others that I forget to invest in my own. My life. My body. My craft. My growth.

Don’t stray from your craft. Don’t look to other people as if they are going to start the car for you. Sit down. Do the thing. Use your keys. It’s your journey and it doesn’t belong to anyone else. In the same vein, no one but you will suffer if you never take the journey. People don’t miss or grieve over the life you didn’t live. That’s your grief and that’s your funeral.

If you are someone who creates things then make life about the creation. You can admire the creations of others but don’t waste your best hours of the day watching other people. Use your hours wisely. Do the work. Even if you only get 20 minutes in a given day to make something, make it happen.

We run around like maniacs claiming there isn’t enough time in the day. So often we bewitch ourselves with the curse of “busy.” We don’t see how much time we kill with scrolling, clicking and liking. I can watch you live your life in 10-second increments or I could create something the world needs. One of those things is going to take no energy at all. The other is going to require everything you have.

If you are feel odd or out of sorts today, maybe you’ve forgotten something. Maybe you got wrapped up in stuff that doesn’t matter to you and you’ve forgotten what you truly love. Time isn’t up though. You can still go back to yourself. You can get a new journal. You can write two glorious sentences. You can open a book. You can start over.

Life hasn’t called and asked you to come and turn in your keys yet. Go while you still have the keys. Go. 

Advertisements

37 thoughts on “You can still go back to yourself.

  1. I’m sitting at Starbucks with tears in my eyes. I’ve known that God wants me to be an author for awhile and I actually just lost my job…I know God’s hand was in this to make me finally finish the book, but I’ve still been choosing depression over passion. You have no idea how much I needed your words today. I’m claiming these words. Thank you, Hannah. ❤

    1. Mandi (yes,I creeped on your blog to find your name)
      Reading your post in response to Hannah’s blog made me smile. I know losing your job must have been an awful blow, but- just like you said, God’s hand is on this. I pray you listen for his guidance and propel yourself forward towards his goals for you!
      Good for you for claiming these words. Claim ’em lady!
      – Vivian

  2. Yasssssssssss.

    ——

    ♡ // Rachel Marie Kang

    On Mon, Mar 6, 2017 at 11:38 AM, HANNAH BRENCHER wrote:

    > hb. posted: ” I started Monday with writing. I try my hardest to not > open my inbox until 11 in the morning. On the days where I am disciplined > in this area, I always feel my most productive. I feel alive and at ease > with the skin I am in. I sat down” >

  3. This is the most inspiring thing I’ve read today. Thanks for much for sharing. I needed to hear some of these words. I can see you are a unique talent. Keep up the amazing work.

  4. How funny that we all look at others through social media and think everyone else has it all together. Heck, I look at your feed and aspire to have my life together like you! You’re right, it is a game with no winner. Thanks for this Monday inspo!!!

  5. I am in the middle of my day with no direction and a lot of free floating shoulds or coulds and I feel like you just gave me permission to go open a book and just stop! Thank you so much for this reminder. Though I guess if I hadn’t been scrolling around observing other people’s lives…😝

  6. Such an inspirational post! I agree with you completely. I’ve been trying really hard to spend as much time as possible writing, with no amount of time too short. And like you that is when I feel most like myself. I feel as if I find myself with every page.

  7. Some poignant words. I may need to engrave them onto a hand shaped slapping device and beat myself with it every now and then until the message sinks in every once in a while, haha!

  8. Dear Hannah, If you find this email, In the depths of your inbox, Please know that I might be your biggest fan. You have helped me in ways you don’t know. And how could you? We have never met. It’s very strange to say that. I don’t feel inspired much, especially not by strangers. And it’s probably weird I am emailing you, but I am friends with a girl who went to church with you in New Haven and I came across your blog about a year ago. I didn’t know anyone felt the same way I was feeling. I mean that in the least cliche way possible. What I am trying to say is, you wrote about your depression and loss of faith, in words that I never seemed to be able to communicate. I am an English major and yet I still can’t find it within me to formulate words to describe how I feel. So after I read all of your blog posts and cried over my laptop some days and smiled into my iPhone others, I needed to read your book. I wanted to know the answer. I wanted to know how you found your way out of the darkness. I find myself still crying though, up at 2 am thinking of things I want to say to people before it’s too late. You, along with so many other beautiful human beings have found love and happiness and swam your way out out of this riptide and that used to make me feel hopeful; that I too might make it out okay. Now I am just numb again. I So I guess what I want to say in this email is that I wish I found a letter. I wish that someone noticed me in a hallway in my dorm building or said hi back in the elevator, or just cared about me a little at moments like this when I can’t. But after all, I know that things happen for a reason. And God must have some sort of plan. And if there is some spiritual hope to be given to me, I know that you of all people will have some sort of guidance.

    my best wishes, HB >

    1. Haley,
      I so admire your courage reaching out to Hannah and expressing the impact she has had on your life. I too wanted to find a letter – but I live in Washington State! Instead of wishing I had one I took this leap and wrote one to a homeless boy I saw everyday on the corner on my commute to work. The look on his face filled me to the brim, and it was as if I had received a thousand leters through his joy.
      If you enjoy writing, maybe you could dive into your inner most heart and give what you so wanted to receive ? It help me so so much.
      Best of wishes H
      – Vivian

    2. I truly hope that you will find your way out of this darkness soon and you will be filled with joy. Keep going, God is always by your side. I believe that when we experience this deep soul-wrenching darkness we are being prepared to feel an all-encompassing love. Depression is a lonely time but remember God cares, you are special and you are strong enough to make it through to the other side

  9. Hannah. Thank you for writing this, and I’m so thankful I got to read it today.

    I’ve been feeling out of sorts. Recovering from anxiety and depression that crippled 2016. Last week was great. Full of hopes and dreams and action. But this week was full of days that I just can’t get out of the couch and fretting over next steps for my business.

    So thank you for writing this. I’m going back to myself now.

  10. snippets from my internal dialog:
    write first. write some more. write before bed. write again tomorrow.
    thank you for writing. thank you for encouraging others to write!

  11. Hello Hannah, that is a good tip. Not to be distracted before 11am. I do end up reading so much while I could have used that time to write more. Also, I do think carp that the waking hours are not enough. There is so much to do!

  12. “Don’t stray from your craft. Don’t look to other people as if they are going to start the car for you. Sit down. Do the thing. Use your keys. It’s your journey and it doesn’t”
    This spoke to me so much, its so easy to get caught up in the perfection of other people.

  13. You write truely amazing! Very inspirational. Even I’ve started writing and I really look upon writing articles and poems that would inspire people just as you do. Please do keep writing and inspiring people☺

  14. “…my little writing corner on the internet gets quiet when I get away from the creation process and spiral into trying to be perfect.” — You have put into words what I’ve been wrestling with the past few months. This was a beautifully written post and a good reminder to let the daunting, hyper-active, perfection-seeking world behind.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s